For Whom the Bones Toll

the B-Fighters flew through the air using Deadly Bones’ god-powers.  They stopped off at Mount Olympus, which Deadly Bones renamed Mount Deadly, and he revived Royvart the barbarian.

“THANK YOU, SKELETON!” boomed Royvart, and he shook his hand.

“We’ll have great need of your strength today, Royvart.” said Godly Bones.  “By the way, call me Godly Bones from now on.”

They traveled to the Snake Pits, the home of all things slithery.  Skeleton Sacramento’s rage could not be contained.

“I’M COMING FOR YOU, WIFEKILLER!” he roared as spooky as anything’s ever been.

and then the snake ambushed them and slapped them all out of the sky with its tail.  All but Godly Bones and Skeleton Sacramento.

So really just Royvart.  He landed at a bad angle and broke his neck.

Deadly God revived him.

“I KILLED YOUR WIFE, BRO.” hissed Wifekiller like a prick.

“I know that, idiot!  That’s why I’m here to avenge her!” yelled Sacramento as he jumped from the sky on to the Wifekiller’s head.

He punched the snake in the skull with such fury that even Godly Bones was amazed.  No skeleton had ever been as angry as this skeleton.  Surely.

the Wifekiller got a concussion and passed out.  Deadly God flew into its mouth and retrieved the Staff of Time.

“Is there a doctor in the house?” asked Royvart.  “This snake has a concussion!”

“I DON’T  GIVE A SHIT.” said Skeleton Sacramento.  “This snake killed my wife!”

“WAIT!  WAIT!” said Godly Bones. “I… I… am a doctor… or I was…”

He looked in a conveniently placed mirror moodily.

“What have I become?” he asked spookily.  “Is this the way things are supposed to be?”

“WHO EVEN AM I ANY MORE?!” roared Godly Dead Bones.  “AM I A DOCTOR?  A GOD?  OR A MOOOONSSSTERRRR?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?”

and he flew into space with the Staff of Time and threw it into a black hole with majesty and grace like a badass.

“YOU FOOL!” yelled Master Makina, who had a habit of appearing out of thin air.  “If the Staff of Time is destroyed, you won’t be able to-whoaaa!”

and Bony Gods threw Master Makina into the black hole as well.

“I’M TIRED OF BEING A GOD.” he yelled with all the spookiness of the cosmos.

He landed at the snake’s side and used his doctor powers to help it.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” asked Sacramento.  “This snake KILLED MY WIFE!”

“NO, my dear employer.” said Godly Doctor, “This snake was merely slithering away from Satan.  You know that.  IT DID NOT MEAN TO.  AND EVEN IF IT DID, WE CANNOT BLAME CREATURES FOR ACTING IN THEIR NATURE.  IS IT NOT, AFTER ALL, ALL THEY ARE CAPABLE OF?” he said skeletonphilisophically.

“It is in the nature of snakes to run/slither when being hunted by assholes.  And it is in the nature of Satan to be an asshole.” he said.  And he struck a cool pose.  It was the Thinker pose- the sculpture by Auguste Rodin. God damn, what a cool pose.

“I’m not really an asshole.” said Satan, who had just appeared then.  “I just never had a mom growing up, so my life is shit.”

“I know, Satan.  And that’s my fault.” said Doctor God.  “I murdered your mother because I forgot who I was.”

“I’m not a killer.” said Bonesly God Doctor.  “I’m a Doctor.”

“Can you ever forgive me for sleeping with your wife?” asked Sacramento to Satan.

“Only if you can forgive me for killing yours ❤ ” said Satan.

“I can.”

and they embraced.

They all shared a group hug and flew home on a Magic Carpet they found.    Deadly Doctor God gave up his powers and revived Zeus, who was grateful.  Zeus fused all of the time travelers together with their current selves.  Nice and neat.  He tried to strike a really cool pose, but it wasn’t nearly as cool as a Bonesly pose.

Royvart opened up a dojo, where he taught other people to be great fighters.  It went out of business a few months later, and Royvart became a barber.

Skeleton Boss made Skeleton Sacramento a partner in the firm.  and they worked hard to bring justice to everyone all over the underworld.

Skeleton Boy got his act together joined the Scare-vation Army, and helped bring spooky clothes to the needy.

KISS went on to become a famous musical group.

Skeleton Doctor gave up fighting for good and continued to be the best doctor ever.  Especially since Goblin Doctor was still deader than shit.

Crimson Skeleton took up the mantle of Deadly Bones, and decided to make sure to always remain pure and true, and to never lose sight of himself.

Satan and his wife Salamandara reconciled their relationship after Satan became a better lover.

Johnny Thunder was returned from the Ghost Trap, where he had spent a lot of time thinking about his life. He decided he wanted to not be slowed down with marriage, so he broke up his engagement with Suzie.   Suzie was fine with it because Johnny Thunder’s a douchebag anyway and we all fucking know it.

Skeleton Sacramento asked Zeus to revive his dear wife Cynthia, and he did!  What a nice thing.

Suzie Sacramento came out of her coma and was happy to be reunited with her friends and family.  But what of her skeleton baby?  Whose was it?

Salamandara explained that the Skeleton baby girl ran away into the woods right after she had been born.  Skeleton babies are notorious for doing such spooky things.

Imagine walking in the woods and seeing a tiny skeleton walking toward you.  Holy crap, that’s spooky, I’m sorry I gave you such a fright.

Of the hellbeasts and the knight?  Well, they all retired to a spooky part of California.  The knight became a fairly famous and very brilliant writer- Skeleton Knight Eleton.

The End.

And then Satan burst through the door.  “OR IS IT?”


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