Redmond trekked through the thick muck for what seemed like years. It was only really only about 10 seconds.
Suddenly! He was accosted from behind.
“BA-CAWWWWW!!!!” shrieked the crowman, slashing Redmond with his talon-hands.
Redmond screamed and fell to the ground.
“Help me, Sam!” he cried.
“YOU WILL SUFFER THE FATE OF TERRORFUL DEMISE!!!!!” shrieked the crowman
“NO YOU FOOL-BIRD! WE MUST BRING HIM IN ALIVE!” bwarked the second crowman
They grabbed Redmond and started to drag him away.
“KEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHE! You’re fucking dead, kiddo. When General Whitefin gets ahold of you, he’ll bite your legs off and beat you to death with them!”
“You’ll never get the ring!” gasped Redmond, delirious from his wound
But then, there was a voice.
“Ho-ho! It seems like the birds have wandered from their perch!”
The crowmen dropped Redmond in the mud, and wildly started looking around.
“IT’S ONE OF THEM!” a crowman croaked
“START SHOOTING EVERYWHERE!” shrieked the other.
The crowmen pulled AK47s from their shadowy wings and started firing wildly all around them.
A shuriken whizzed through the air and landed in the skull of one of the feathery fiends.
“THEY KILLED CROWMAN 2!” cried one of the crowmen.
“RETREAT!” squawked another.
They ran away, flapping their wings, and flew off into the night.
Redmond stood up and looked around. He couldn’t see his savior.
“I’m over here.” said the voice.
“Right over here.”
Redmond looked up and gasped with wonder.
Standing on top of the Woody Allen tree was a skeleton with a martial artist headband. He was striking a magnificent pose.
“Asia Bones, can it be you?” he said, “The legendary bone-fighter who holds the Spirit of Fighting?”
“Grrrr… ANSWER ME, REDMOND!” called the skeleton, and he leapt down.
“THE SCHOOL OF THE UNDEFEATABLE BONES!” and he started punching the shit out of Redmond.
“AHH GAH FAHH GAHHH BWAAHH!” Redmond spouted, as he was being pummeled.
“LOOK! THE BONES ARE BURNING RED!” roared Asia Bones, as he punched Redmond in the face one final time.
Redmond coughed up blood before losing consciousness.
“Mhmmm.” said Asia Bones wisely. “He was not able to answer me. He is no warrior. But I see in his heart a flame. A passionate flame of love. I will help him.”
and Asia Bones picked up Redmond and began to carry him farther into the marsh.
Redmond came to a little bit and sputtered “Where are you taking me?”
“It’s all right, weakling. We are going to Bonestown.”