Rasta Rick, Redmond, and Asia Bones swam through the bitch-black (I meant to type “pitch”, but bitch-black is funny so I’m keeping it) water; the only light emanating from Rasta Rick’s magical dreadlocks.
After several minutes, Redmond followed Rasta upward, and they emerged from the cold water into a cave lit by bright torches on the walls. Torches made of human hands. Just kidding, they were just wood.
Asia Bones pulled Redmond back as Rasta grabbed a torch and proceeded into the cave.
“Listen to me, Redmond.” he said sternly, “Don’t act like such a fucking pussy in front of Captain Redbones. He’s not going to stand for that shit.”
“Did you have to use such a misogynistic term, though?” asked Redmond sheepishly.
Asia Bones looked at him sternly.
“Yes, Redmond. I’m an old karate master skeleton who doesn’t give a shit about semantics in relation to social issues. Yes, I’m pro-feminism, pro-gay, and pro-human rights, but I don’t care enough to make a serious effort to avoid the occasional slip-up into rude language. I marched with Martin Luther King Jr., Redmond. I’ve volunteered at soup kitchens and women’s health clinics. What the fuck have you ever done, ever?”
Redmond was taken aback “Well…”
“Exactly, you fucking idiot. Now toughen up, and come on.” and he pushed Redmond forward to follow Rasta Rick.
Not long into their spelunking, the cave opened up into a shoreline, hidden by massive rocks jutting from the ocean, and littered with dozens of shipwrecks.
One wreck stood out above all of the others. Literally. It was a ship standing upright, entirely on top of several other, toppled ships. It appeared to be entirely white, and Redmond realized almost instantly that it was made out of bones. Of course it was made out of fucking bones.
Rasta Rick stopped and turned to Redmond.
“Okay mon, we gotta get you on to dat ship first. Are you ready?”
Redmond didn’t have time to answer that question (the answer would have been “no”) before Rasta Rick lifted him up and jumped with him through the air- about a football field’s distance on to the ship, where their fall was cushioned by Rasta’s magical dreadlocks. Asia Bones expertly jumped and flipped from each shipwreck onto the bone ship to meet them.
“Ahoy, mateys!” roared a spooky voice, so damn spooky, that Redmond yelped.
Then he turned around to the voice’s owner, and screeched.
It was a fucking red skeleton in a pirate hat.