“Come on, Raymond. Don’t be such a pussy,” chortled Rob, like a stupid fucking asshole.
Rob had been attempting to convince Raymond to sign up for the Space Marines with him for several days. Raymond remained
unwavering in his decision to not be killed by aliens. But Rob didn’t believe in the very real dangers of outer-space.
“Aliens only exist in movies, Raymond,” he reasoned.
“Yeah, and Space Marines only exist in movies too, Rob,” Raymond retorted like a genius.
“SO, YOU BOYS WANT TO DEFEND YOUR COUNTRY, EH?” howled Sergeant Thomson McMann, stepping out from behind the sign-up desk.
“No, I don’t want to do that,” replied Raymond.
“Sir, he’s afraid of aliens,” said Rob.
Thomas McMann’s face suddenly turned very grim. It was already grim, but now it was very grim. Very grim indeed.
“Aliens don’t exist, boys. If they did, don’t you think they would have visited us and put a mind-control slug into my
brain by now?”
“That’s what I keep telling him!” said Rob, “But he just won’t listen.”
“That’s alright, boy. Because in the Space Marines, you get to sign up your buddies against their will.” said McMann as he
smiled and handed Rob the pen that would seal their fate.
And so Rob signed away both of their lives.
“Way to go, Rob,” sighed Raymond, sensing his imminent doom.
“And because you signed up a buddy, you automatically become a SQUAD LEADER,” McMann informed him, “Congratulations, SIR.”
“Gee Ray,” said Rob, “I guess that means I outrank you.”
“Fuck you Rob, I’m not following your orders.”
Just then, Space Judge appeared in a poof of judicial power.
“I hereby charge you with mutiny and sentence you to 10 years behind bars,” said Space Judge.
“This is bullshit,” sobbed Raymond.
-transmission ends-
[to be continued]
In Pieces 