The Lord of the Rings: Ocarina of Time (Jango’s Revenge part II)

The Nazgul surrounded the bounty hunter and the hobbits and shrieked annoyingly.

Jango Fett was unfazed.

“Listen, you punk-ass jabronis,” he said, oozing with confidence in himself, “There’s only 8 of you, and my blasters can fire 8 rounds a second!”

Jango fired his blasters at all of the Nazgul, and killed all 8 of them in a second.

But then the Witch King stepped out from behind a boulder.

“Fooooooooool,” he hissed, “No living man can blast meeeeeeeeee.”

Jango was out of seconds.

“Oh damn,” he said, and tried to fly away.

But he was intercepted by a winged fell beast, who bit his jetback off of his back and ate it. Crunch crunch.

Jango fell, and the Witch King slowly walked over to him with a big-ass mace.

“Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooool,” he hissed, “No living man can fly away from meeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

He raised his mace to deliver the final blow, when suddenly, something smacked him on the back of his helmet.

“Fucking owwwww,” he hissed, “What the hell was thaaaaaaaaat?”

He turned around to see the Hero of Time aiming at him with a slingshot.

“Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool,” he hissed, “No living man can slay meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

Link’s fairy, whose name is “Tink” in this story said “Link’s no man.”

It was genderbent Link! Hooray!

She fired a a Deku Seed right into the Witch King’s black face-hole and he shrieked in agony.


He jumped on to his fell beast and flew away. Link walked sexily over to Jango Fett and Tink said “Are you okay?”

“Yes, thank you for your assistance,” Jango said, “But what are you doing here?”

“Some evil monster or something is threatening the land, and we have to kill it because we’re heroes,” replied Tink.

“What a coincidence, me too!” lied Jango, master of deception.

He pointed at the hobbits.

“Those little monsters stole an important artifact from me that will help us defeat the monster!”

“Wait a second!” cried Sam.

Link walked sexily over to the hobbits, lifted them up over her head like rocks and threw them into the side of the mountain. They were knocked out freakin cold.

Jango rushed over to Frodo’s body and retrieved the Ring of Power.

“Awesome,” he said, “The world is now mine for the taki-I mean, let’s go save the world.”

to be continued…

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