The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Fett

Jango Fett had his eyeses on the prizes.

With the Ring of Power finally on his finger, he could make all of Middle Earth bow to him.

But then, Mace Windu jumped over a rock and used Force Push on him. Jango fell down.

“Your reign of bounty hunting has come to an end, Fett.”

But then genderbent Link stabbed Mace in the back of the head, proving her loyalty.

“Good, goooooood,” laughed Jango Fett, “You will be my apprentice and together, the galaxy will be ours.”

So Jango and genderbent Link walked over to the tower with the big flaming eye, I can’t remember its name.

Genderbent Link shot it with an arrow and Sauron was dead. The two then proceeded to beat the crap out of every Orc in Mordor.

Afterwards, they went on an educational campaign to let everyone know that Jango Fett possessed the Ring of Power, and if anyone opposed him, they would be shot dead.

It seemed like a happy ending for everyone, as Jango Fett was a gracious and just ruler.

He married genderbent Link and the two lived happily in the great white city of Gondor.

For a time.

but then Frodo Baggins, that little shit. He snuck into Jango’s bed after the Fett had passed out from exhaustion from pumping genderbent Link’s tight pussy all night.

Frodo stole the Ring of Power and grew 200 feet tall, and ran to Pelanor Fields, destroying half of the city along the way.

Jango was worried. He’d canonically killed the likes of Luke Skywalker, Darth Maul, Emperor Palpatine, and just recently, the 9 Kings of Men. But he’d never faced a foe like Giant Frodo Baggins before. He’d have to call in a little back up for this one.

He took out Ring he’d forged in secret after solidifying his rule over Muddle Earth- The Ring of The Force, allowing him to take control of all midichlorines in the galaxy.

He sent a giant tornado shockwave at Giant Frodo Baggins, who was stomping all over the Riders of Rohan, sending Giant Frodo Baggins flying through the air. But it wasn’t enough to kill him! Oh no!

Then Gandalf arrived on the scene, along with Saruman! The White Council had been reunited!

Galadriel and Elrond and also Cirdan and Glorfindel (look them up, nerds) rode in on dragons. Because Smaug had babies and the Elves stole them and raised them in secret to be good dragons!

Jango Fett had to retreat in the Slave I, bringing his bombshell waifu with him, while the Council fought against Giant Frodo. Also, the Dragons names were Ginger, Rex, Swiftwing, and Vader. (all canon in the Tolkien universe, look it up) And they were only part-dragon because actually Smaug fucked an Elf or something, so they could change back and forth. So they were dragon-kin. And also genderfluid.

They were able to defeat Giant Frodo’s flying hobbits that he had summoned, but Giant Frodo punched them all out of the sky. Galadriel used a force field to protect them from his giant hairy feet.

Gandalf tried to shoot light at Giant Frodo’s eyes, but Giant Frodo slapped him across the land, killing him. Saruman the Wise wisely retreated into Galadriel’s shield, quietly happy at his rival’s demise.

All hope seemed lost, as nothing could stop Giant Frodo’s might.

But good old Sam Gamgee went to him and yelled

“Mr. Frodo! Stop! This isn’t you!”

Giant Frodo Baggins hesitated for a second, before using the Ring of Power to turn Sam into a potato.

Just as the last of Galadriel’s power had faded, and there was barely anyone left for Giant Frodo to kill,

JANGO FETT RETURNED, riding the Incredible Hulk.

“I’m back, baby!” he yelled, backflipping off of Hulk as Hulk punched Giant Frodo straight into the Earth.

Frodo was trapped underground and could not move, so Jango’s dwarf allies dug tunnels all around his body and chopped into his vital organs in order to finally slay him.

Jango used the Ring of the Force to summon the Ring of Power, and he combined them into the Ring of Powerforce.

With it, he had absolute power, even over time itself. He looked upon the ruin Giant Frodo had brought to his land and wept. He used his Ring to reverse time, allowing Frodo and Sam to destroy the Ring of Power before having their asses kicked by genderbent Link.

But Jango was crafty and kept his own Ring safe. He left Middle Earth to its own devices as he flew away with his Hylian shorty to go do badass things elsewhere.

And so Frodo had his finger bitten off, and Sauron died again, and the Eagles saved the day. This is all canon.

The End.


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