Star Wars: The Fett Awakens part III

8R picked up the head of the fallen Fett and returned to the secret First Order base, LV-420, located on Planet Dankuur.

Little did he know, that Mace effin Windu was hot on his trail.

“Supreme Leader Snoke, we have Boba Fett’s head,” said General Hux.

“Good, gooooooood,” said Snoke, “We can rebuild him, make him stronger. Place him into the Gundam nowwwww.”

“Give me the head, 8R,” commanded Snoke.

8R did as he was told, because he was loyal as hell.

Hux placed Boba’s head into the Gundam’s core and it sprang to life. Wowwwwwwwwwww.

“Well, this is cool,” said Gundam Fett.

“You now have an obligation to the Order, which has breathed new life into you, bounty hunter,” said Supreme Leader Snoke, stupidly.

“Yeah, sorry nerds, I bow to no-one,” said Boba Fett, and then he flew through the ceiling.

“That was a cluster fuck,” said General Hux.

“Yes, it was,” agreed Snoke, “The Force Gundam was our most powerful weapon. Without it, the Order cannot hope to prevail. Mace Windu will destroy you all.”

“TR-8R!” said Captain Phasma, “You have a connection with Boba Fett. Can you convince him to fight by our side?”

“Probably not, the guy’s kind of a wildcard. But I’ll try anything for the Order, ma’am!” and he saluted like a good little pawn.

“Good, goooooooooooood,” said Snoke, but then he suddenly looked spooked.

“Mace Windu is here…”

The cries of stormtroopers getting the shit beaten out of them all across the base could be heard.

“We can take him!” exclaimed TR-8R.

“No,” replied Snoke, “He has become unstoppable. None can defeat him but me. And I cannot be bothered to leave my chair.”

“Then we must abandon this base,” said Captain Phasma.

“Not before doing this!” announced General Hux, and he pressed a trigger which detonated bombs all around the planet, killing all of the indigenous people and animals.

“ALL WILL BOW TO THE FIRST ORDER!” said screamed, and then he clicked his rocket boots, and flew away to his escape pod.

Phasma and TR-8R raced to the final escape pod, but there, in their way, stood the Jedi Master.

“We meet again, troopers” said Mace Windu, activating his lightsaber and assuming the Maceintu fighting position- a form he’d invented which utilized straight-jumping to slam-dunk some saberblades and force-balls into people’s heads. Street basketball meets the Force.

“Go, captain. The Order needs you,” said TR-8R bravely, and he pushed his sexy commander into the escape pod and pulled the lever.

“It’s just you and me, Jedi,” he said as he took out his stun baton with a forceful, sick spin.


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