Star Wars: The Fett Awakens part V

“I was born into it, and before I knew it, I saw the students of poor gettin’ hauled off to war-”

“What are you talking about?” asked 8R.

“Sorry, I was listening to Sage Francis. My brain has Pandora installed,” explained Gundam Fett.

“Okay, so what are we doing here, exactly?”

“We’re both going to learn something from witnessing this scene,” replied Gundam Fett, handing 8R a pair of binoculars,

“You’re going to learn what loyalty gets you in the long run, and I’m going to learn how the fuck Mace Windu survived being electrocuted out a 20-story window.”

They scoped out Palpatine’s office just in time to see the fight between the Jedi and Sith.

“Wow, he one-shotted those 3,” remarked 8R.

“Yeah, it was pretty disrespectful. But pay attention, bro.”

“Okay… Windu’s got Palps on the run… here comes Anakin… Oh shit, what the fuck?!”

“OKAY, NOW I’VE GOT TO SEE THIS,” yelled Gundam Fett as he leaped off the building, keeping a close eye on the defeated Jedi Master.

Mace Windu was out cold and falling fast. But through his superb connection with the Force, he was able to awaken and flip on to a flying car. I wish we had flying cars.

He commandeered it and sped away.

“Of course. It was so simple,” sighed Fett, “Of fucking course he just Force-flipped on to a flying car.”

He returned to his clone apprentice and sat by his side.

“Did you learn anything from that spectacle? From seeing a man betrayed not only by a brother of his own Order, but by an effing Senator of the Republic which he served?”

“Kinda, yeah,” replied TR-8R.

“Good. It’s time for us to get the hell out of here. We’re going to go pick up some bitchin’ bounty hunting gear, rally up a posse of lowlife outlaws, and take the fight to Windu. He won’t rest until we’re both dead, so we’re going to put him to rest. Like a hot young milf laying down the child she recently had, and she’s already gotten back in shape, so she’s got that maternal instinct going on and a tight, rockin body as if she’d never even had the little bastard.”


“Like, I think I could make a good father figure. I’m not saying I wouldn’t care about the kid, but the mother is definitely way, way more important.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Like, if the mom’s hot, I will allow myself to love the child. That’s it. You can’t expect me to deal with your kid if you’re not a solid 8 at least.”

“I get it, Fett.”

“These are things you’re going to need to think about one day, 8R. Anyway, let’s go fucking kill Mace Windu.”

Gundam Fett opened up a portal back to the future-present and they jumped in. TR-8R was excited to begin his training as a faithless bounty-hunter.

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