“Jesus Christ I can’t believe it’s already been 18 parts,” said TR-8R.
“Did you say something?” asked Mace Windu.
“No, probably not.”
The two friends skipped through a meadow, not a care in the world.
“What do you think Fett’s doing right now?” asked 8R.
“He’s trying to assassinate Supreme Leader Snoke,” replied Mace wisely.
“What makes you think that?” asked 8R.
“I’m watching him in my telescope lol. Here, look.”
8R took the telescope and peered through at the neighboring planet.
Gundam Fett was creeping up on the Order base with a sniper rifle.
“Why’s he doing that?” asked 8R.
“He’s probably pissed that no-one loves him,” replied Mace Windu sadly.
“But that’s wrong. I love him. He’s my brother :(” said 8R.
“Then why don’t you tell him that?” said Mace, handing him a megaphone.
“FETT! FEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTT!” yelled 8R.
Fett looked up, and so did everyone else on the planet.
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!” SAID 8R LOUD AS HELL.
Captain Phasma took out a megaphone and shouted back at him.
“TR-8R, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?”
“I’M SORRY CAPTAIN, BUT RIGHT NOW I’M TALKING TO MY BROTHER!” said 8R.
Captain Phasma nodded and handed the megaphone to Gundam Fett, who started crying into it.
“B-BUT I’M SAD! PALPATINE WAS LIKE A DAD TO ME AND FUCKING MACE WINDU KILLED HIM! AND- AND HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO RESURRECT THE DEAD SO I COULD BRING BACK THAT HOT MANDALORIAN CHICK!”
“I can still teach you that, my son,” said PALPATINE WTF?! yooooooooo.
Gundam Fett turned around to see his elderly evil Sithdad standing with his arms outstretched. WITH ARMS WIDE OPENNNNNNNNN
“YOU’RE ALIVE?!” said literally everyone.
“Yeah, of course I am. I can resurrect the dead, so I resurrected myself lmao.”
Mace Windu nodded in acknowledgement. He may not be able to ever kill the old fuck, but at least he knew he was the superior swordsman.
“So what do you say we kill Supreme Leader Snoke… together? :)” said Palpatine.
“OK dad!” said Gundam Fett and they started moving toward Supreme Leader Snoke’s chair. Kylo Ren and Captain Phasma jumped in their way.
8R spoke up again,
“HEY PHASMA, I’M KIND OF IN LOVE WITH YOU, CAN YOU NOT FIGHT THEM CUZ LIKE, I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE?”
Captain Phasma grabbed the megaphone from Gundam Fett,
“TR-8R, YOU KNOW I CAN’T DO THAT. MY ALLEGIANCE IS TO THE ORDER.”
TR-8R turned to Windu.
“Mace, what do I do?”
Mace Windu always knew what to do when it came to women. If 8R was going to get some sweet, sweet Phasma pussy, he couldn’t interfere with her defending the Supreme Leader. So it was up to Mace goddamn Windu to make sure that everyone would get laid.
Mace Force-jumped at Phasma and Force-pushed her out of the way. Then he Force-flipped and did a Force-kick at Kylo Ren, and then Force-flipped again toward Phasma and Force-kicked her gun out of her hand and started doing some light Force-Karate at her.
8R knew what he was doing: ACTING so he could rush in and save Phasma. What a fuckin’ guy, that Mace Windu. He stole a jetpack from a nearby merchant and boosted onto the planet.
Meanwhile, Gundam and Palpatine started punching the shit out of Snoke. He couldn’t get his lightsaber because he was too busy being punched.
“NOOOOOOOOO THIS IS BULLSHITTTTTTTTTTT” he said, beginning to die.
“MY LORD!” yelled Kylo Ren, as he rushed toward them.
BUT HOLY SHIT, MANDALORIAN CHICK OUT OF NOWHERE-
She grabbed Kylo Ren and put him in a rear naked choke hold. Go the fuck to sleep, Ren.
Gundam Fett got butterflies in his stomach and a semi-hard on. God damn she was hot.
“You’re ALVIE?!” he gasped.
“Yeah duh, I was just faking it,” she laughed, placing Kylo on the ground.
“But why?!” he demanded. This dame had put him through a rollercoaster of emotions worse that Kingda-fucking Ka.
“I realized I was messing with your head, and that if you were going to have any hope at all of finishing your mission, that I’d need to be out of the picture. I just didn’t realize how much fucking weird shit was going to happen.”
“I-I love you,” said Fett.
Fett turned to 8R, who was fake-fighting Mace Windu.
“Did you get that reference, 8R? She’s so fucking sassy, Jesus Christ I love her so much I’d genocide a fucking planet for her.”
“I’m really happy for you, man,” replied 8R as he lightly punched Windu in the head.
“OH NO, I AM DEFEATED!” cried Mace as he fell over.
Phasma wasn’t buying this shit for a fucking second.
“That’s some pitiful acting. TR-8R, I realize that you have feelings for me, but as long as the Order-”
“GUYS, LOOK, SNOPE DIED FROM THE BEATING WE GAVE HIM!” laughed Palpatine.
Phasma grabbed 8R and pulled him close to her, flipping off her helmet. He did the same, and the two shared their first, passionate kiss.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” teased Fett.
“They’re going at it tonight,” said Mandalorian Chick, “Hey, speaking of which, what do you have going on down there?”
“I, uh, installed a vibrating mech-cock,” said Gundam Fett, moving toward his grl.
“Oooooooookay, let’s get going Mace,” said Palpatine, lifting the Jedi to his feet.
“What does this mean for the Order? For all of us?” asked Phasma.
“Uh, let’s all just chill the fuck out and stop killing each other,” said Mace Windu.
“Agreed, I’m just happy Snoke is dead lol. He was a cunt.” said Palpatine.
AND SO, THE LONG WAR BETWEEN THE SITH AND THE JEDI WAS FINALLY OVER. CAPTAIN PHASMA CONTINUED LEADING THE STORMTROOPERS ON MISSIONS TO BRING FOOD AND WATER TO SHITHOLE PLANETS, BRINGING TR-8R WITH HER WHEREVER SHE WENT. GUNDAM FETT AND MANDALORIAN CHICK BANGED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER AND PROCEEDED TO GO ABOUT THEIR SEPARATE BOUNTY-HUNTING WAYS, FOREVER HOLDING A FLAME FOR EACH OTHER, AND HOOKING UP WHENEVER THEY WERE IN THE SAME AREA.
PALPATINE AND MACE WINDU BEGAN THE NEW JEDITH ORDER, TEACHING OTHERS HOW TO USE LIGHTSABERS AND THE FORCE AND SHIT, BUT NOT HAVE RIDICULOUS FUCKING MONK-HORSESHIT LIKE NOT BEING ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX. AYYYY. KYLO REN WAS THEIR FIRST STUDENT, AND FINALLY GOT HIS SHIT TOGETHER.