Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived to Die Another Day part VII

“YOU SHOT MY SON IN THE SPINE, POTTER! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!” yelled Luciussss Malfoy as he ran towards Harry with a knife.

“Not so fast!” yelled Harry, and he shot him in the chest with his handgun.


“Yeah, that’s right. The only thing that can stop a bad wizard with a knife, is a good wizard with a GUN!” laughed Harry, and he reloaded with the speed and skill of a Navy SEAL.

“WOW Harry, you sure know how to handle a firearm!” commented Severus Snape, impressed.

“Yeah! I’m a natural!” said Harry proudly, and he shot Malfoy in the head.

“Jesus Christ, Harry.”

“Things will never be the same, will they Professor?” asked Harry.

Snape looked sadly at the bodies lying scattered throughout the hall.

“No, no, it’s fine. We’ll blame it on Voldemort.”

“That’s a great idea, Professor!”

“Right? It’s pretty much all his fault anyway. But Harry, you have to promise to never shoot anyone ever again. Except Voldemort, he’s the last guy you can shoot. But then, no one ever again. Please.”

“Yeah, okay that’s fair,” agreed Harry, “It was fun, but not being a homicidal maniac can be just as fun I think! Maybe!”

“I’m glad you see things my way, Harry. A wand can do a million different things. But a gun can only do two things: Kill, and give you boners,” said Snape wisely.

“I’m sorry I shot up the school, Professor McGonanadlale. Can we put this behind us, or do I have to kill you too?” asked Harry sincerely.

“Jesus Christ, Harry.”

Snape realized that Harry would never be the same after committing so many atrocities. He knew what he had to do.

“Close your eyes, Harry. I have a surprise for you.”

“Sure!” said Harry, stupidly closing his eyes.

Severus Snape placed his hands around Harry’s head softly and swiftly snapped his neck.

“There, that’s probably for the best.”

“What the fuck happened to that boy?” asked Mcgonalalal.

“He was swept up in bloodlust. Guns are serious business, they’re not for the mentally or emotionally weak. Harry was both of those things, he was a total pussy.”

“I see. Well, I’ll look for survivors. Go kill Voldemort once and for all Severus, please. End this.”

Severus Snape picked his grenade launcher from the ground and began moving slowly through the room-littered halls in search for Voldemort, the most dangerous wizard who ever lived.

It was now a game of cat-and-cat with grenade launcher.

Snape cast “Snakeadidle Shoobop” from his grenade launcher, which he had built around his wand, making it a grenade launcher that could cast spells lmao and a river of snakes flew from it, hissing angrily.

“Find Tom Riddle, and bite him right in the dick,” commanded Snape to his army of snakes.

“HSSSSSSSSSSS!” they hissed in acknowledgement, and they swiftly slithered away in all directions. Wherever Voldemort was hiding, he was about to be bitten in the dick.

Snape waited for a moment.

“OW, MY DICK!” shrieked Voldemort.

Snape smiled. “Gotcha,” he said, as he quickly and quietly moved to the door of the room where the cry had come from.


to be continued…

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