“Captain, it looks like the ship is on a course for a galaxy far, far away,” said the Master Chief.
“That’s right,” replied Captain Mace Windu, captain of the Spacewalker, “We’re going to go to that galaxy far far away and save it from a cult that is using the Flood as a weapon.
The Chief gasped.
“That can’t be!” he said, “The Flood can’t be manipulated.”
“It’s not just any cult,” said Captain Mace Windu, who was wearing a pirate hat and traditional Jedi robes,
“It’s the Sith. And we have reason to believe they’ve teamed-up with the Dark Lord Sauron. Our scouts have spotted Space-Orcs.”
“NO I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Master Chief slammed his fists down on a table, breaking it in half.
“Chief, that table’s coming out of your salary. And it’s also up to you to stop everything bad that’s happening.”
“I can do it,” said the Chief, “but I can’t do it alone.”
Captain Mace Windu lit a cigar his his lightsaber.
“I know that. You’ll be going in with non-other than the legendary Luke Skywalker, and his son, Kylo Ren, born of incest.
He took a puff of the cigar.
“And that’s not all. We’ve acquired a new weapon for you to use in battle. It’s Squall’s gunblade from Final Fantasy 8! Both sword and a gun, it is the ultimate weapon.”
“Wow, my cup overflows!” said Chief.
“Finally, we’ll be upgrading your armor for EXTREME STEALTH.”
Captain Windu Force-pulled a crate from the other side of the room and opened it. It contained the Invisibility Cloak from Harry Potter.
“No one will see you coming,” said Captain Windu, wrapping Chief in the Deathly Hallow.
Luke Skywalker and Kylo Ren entered the bridge and saluted Captain Windu.
“Sir, we are prepared to take the fight to our enemies.”
Luke Skywalker struck a pose with his lightsaber in one hand, and the Elder Wand in the other.
Kylo Ren held up the Sorcerer’s Stone, and laughed.
“Nothing can kill me like I killed my dad.”
Luke looked at him sadly. He’d not yet told him that he was his father, not Han Solo. Killing dads wasn’t supposed to be in the family. But when it came down to it, Luke had already decided to use the Elder Wand to kill Kylo Ren if he tried betraying him.
Captain Mace Windu looked at the crack team he’d assembled and smiled. He’d done it again.
“Gentlemen, if you’re all prepared, we will teleport you on to the planet where the Sith Lords and their Flood are located.”
“What Sith are we dealing with?” inquired Luke.
“They are beyond anything we’ve ever encountered. Their names are Darth Villainous and Darth Reprehensible. They are both 8 feet tall, and wield lightsaber-guns that shoot lightsabers. They are also really strong because they go to the gym 5 days a week like we all should. Your only hope of defeating them is to use the Deathly Hallows.”
“Understood,” said Chief.
“I understand as well, we’ll be careful” said Luke.
“The Dark Side will look after me, I’m not afraid!” said Kylo Ren.
Everyone sighed.
“Go now then! Said Captain Windu, “And MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!”
In Pieces 