Girl: *gives number* Call me 😉
Guy: Sure– hey… can I see the pen you used to write this?
Girl: uh, yeah… here.
Guy: *sucks teeth* oh…
Girl: What? What is it?
Guy: This is a medium point…
Guy: The point. It’s a medium.
Girl: What? So what?
Guy: I’m really only into girls who use fine points.
Girl: What the fuck?
Guy: Look, I’m sure you’ve got a nice personality. But I use a fine point myself. Why should I have to settle for a girl who uses a medium?
Girl: What the fuck are you tal–
Guy: If medium points are good enough for you, that’s great. But I’m looking for something a little more… serious right now. Tell you what, here’s MY number. Maybe one day, when you’re ready to stop playing games, you give me a call.
*Girl stutters angrily as Guy shrugs and walks away*
Girl: Who is it?
Guy: Listen, I wanted to apologize to you. I know a lot of people don’t understand that medium points are gross. Especially women. Popular culture is constantly telling you that your pens are perfect and you never have to change anything, so of course it’s shocking to find out you’ve been lied to. If you’re willing to put in the effort, I’d like to help you learn to use fine point pens. Underneath all that unnecessary, fat ink, is a nice thin line waiting to be seen.
Girl: *sobs* T-thank you…
And so, our brave hero helped this tragic girl buy a nice set of Pilot retractables from Amazon, and her life was forever changed for the better– free from the delusion that all pens are equally beautiful. She also lost 60lbs.