As Rodrigo trained with Asia Bones and Kiiroi Kao, McMann and his Space Marines were trying to protect Earth’s cities from the combined forces of the Sharkmen and the Crowmen. But they were suffering DEVASTATING LOSSES from the scary wooden dancing puppets who had UPGRADED THEMSELVES to Fireproof Puppets and could no longer be creamed by flamethrowers.
“Things aren’t looking good,” said McMann, lighting up a cigar.
“I’ll say,” said Space Judge, hitting his vape.
The two old friends were kicking back in a Space Helicopter, watching Earth’s spaceports burn from the latest assault of the Shade’s armies.
The United Space of America (USA) vs. the United Shade Armies (USA). There could only be one USA, and that was going to be decide here.
“What are you going to do when this is over, McMann?” asked Space Judge.
“What do you mean? You think we’re going to win this?”
Space Judge smiled. Although McMann couldn’t see it. Space Judge’s face, if he even had one, was always shrouded in blackness by his cloak. Jesus Christ my back is killing me. I dont know how im supposed to live like this. anyway, Space Judge said “yes, I do think we’re going to win.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Do you remember when we were enemies, McMann?” asked Space Judge.
okay, so i havent finished writing it, but McMann and Space Judge were actually enemies in YET(YEET) ANOTHER story called Spooks in Space, which is a sequel to Spooks in the Deep which is a sequel to My Father is a Skeleton. Anyway while i was just explaining that, the two were reminiscing or however the hell that’s spelled. Space Judge respects McMann with all his judgely heart. You could say that Space Judge was a good judge of character, because of his years and years of experience judging things i cant bear it anymore my back is fuckign killing me i need to figureo out how the hell im going to survive this life idk what it is but ever since i set foot in this hellhole state (FLO-RIDA) ive been in perpetual mother FUCKIGN agony and idk what the FUCK it is, i have like a FEELING in my HEART that it’s like the fucking AIR or the fucking what’s it called when it’s wet in the air? the uh… i really feel like im going to die of a broken heart. just from the never-ending pain. That’s honestly how I feel. Like I could do 100 pushups right now and it would slightly relieve me for maybe 10 minutes. What am I supposed to do that every 10 minutes until I fucking die? how come no-one else has to fucking do this? everywhere i look i see people being perfectly fucking fine, walking around, standing around, sitting around, im the ONLY PERSON who is every fucking second of the day in pain. Humidity, that’s the word I was thinking of. Because I feel like I cant FUCKING BREATHE well enough because everything is so MOTHER FUCKING HOT DOWNIOIOIOAEGTH i wish i could just die liek that guy on Mount Everest. The one with the boots that’s just lying there in the snow. God I wish that were me. When you think about heaven, you imagine it being in the clouds, well do you think it’s HOT up there or do you think it’s NICE AND COOL? It’s COOL. Heaven is probably literally somewhere on Mount Everest, and it’s probably a bunch of naked female snow-elves. maybe they have wings, maybe not, what difference does it make? okay, im going to go cool off for a minute. im just going to sit in the shower and run cold water over my FUCKING head, i wish i could freeze my brain and exit this reality.
It’s not like I don’t work out enough. Every morning I do a warm-up routine that’s more physical than most people’s entire fucking weeks. I work out six days a week, I mind my posture, I mind my breathing, and it’s not FUCKIGN FAIR that okayi dont care. i just dont care. put me in the fucking ground.
“So yes, that’s why I think we can win, McMann,” said Space Judge, who’d been recalling the strength and bravery of the Space Marines in the past. Many of those same soldiers were STILL fighting this very day, years into the future.
McMann knew he was right. His boys could handle the Crowmen. The Sharkmen, even more easily. Even the dancing wooden puppets would be brought down, eventually. But the war would never, ever end, as long as the members of the S.H.A.D.E. were still at large. By the way, SHADE is an acrnoym. What for? Well, only time will tell.
Meanwhile, Rodrigo was failing miserably in his training with Kiiroi Kao, who quickly realized that Rodrigo didn’t have the brainpower necessary to control his epic powers. Asia Bones was sad.
“Don’t be sad, Asia,” said Kiiroi Kao.
“How can I not be sad?” asked Asia Bones. “If we can’t utilized Rodrigo’s existence-erasing powers, the Shade just keep coming back again and again!”
“HEY FUCKERS, REMEMBER ME?!” roared Satan, as he flew up the mountain on a demonic motorcycle.
Kiiroi Kao batted him away with his paw, sending him and his motorcycle flying back down the mountain like the bugs they were to him.
“I believe I have an idea, Asia. Tell me more about this ‘Joshi’ character.”
“Joshi the Hacker King, we meet at last,” said Olya Kalishnakov. Did I spell her name right? Let me see… perfect, I don’t have to keep copy-pasting it.
“Olya. I wasn’t expecting an invite to… your room.”
Joshi looked around. It was indeed a camgirl’s bedroom. Pink everywhere, a camera pointing at the bed, and outside its FOV, a complete fucking mess.
“Joshi, you should just surrender to the SHADE :3 ” she said. “Don’t you realize that you can’t win? Even if you defeated me, “Bear” and Size would still take you down.
Joshi instantly got so excited he wanted to scream. She didn’t know that he’d taken out Size. Of course! It had been a SECRET OPERATION after all. This dumb bitch was playing with an outdated rules sheet. It was time to show her the changelog.
Joshi sent her a screenshot of the cloud server that Size existed as now. It was the cyber equivalent of throwing a decapitated head at her feet.
She gasped in horror, but her mood changed in an instantly like the Bipolar bitch that she was, leaping on top of him. It was purely logical, though. With Size out of the picture, the tables were turned. She’d be crazy not to join. And Joshi would be crazy not to seal the deal by giving her the D, LIVE on cam. He heard the donation bell, and looked up in surprise for just a moment before she pulled him back down. It was $5 from Vi: “JOSHI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Was Vi jealous? A little bit. But she still had Simon waiting for her back home. And she WOULD return to him, no matter what. Besides, how could she blame Joshi for wanting to hit that? Olya was undoubtedly fine as fuck. Vi glanced over at the fullbody mirror hanghing on the door to her hideout. She still thought she was cuter, though.
“It’s not a terrible idea, Master,” said Asia Bones, after hearing out Kiiroi Kao’s not-terrible idea.
“It may be the only hope you have, Asia,” said Kiiroi Kao.
“What’s the idea?” asked Rodrigo, who’d just come back from chopping wood. They’d sent him to collect firewood. Of course, there were no trees anywhere on the mountain, so he’d just walked around for a bit.
“We cannot tell you, Rodrigo,” said Asia Bones. “If you knew the plan, it might not work.”
“THAT’S BULLSHIT!” roared Rodrigo.
“You both should get going now,” said Kiiroi Kao. “But here, take this summoing WOW that’s not how you spelling summoning. Take this SUMMONING SCROLL in case you need me!”
“Cool, thanks!” said Rodrigo, but Asia knew why he was doing it. Kiiroi longed for the old days. The days when he really got to let loose and fucking kill some fools. For years now, he’d been settled down with a nice bitch and a liter of dog-god pups. Asia wondered if he’d ever have skeleton-children of his own.