Age of Calamity: “Boo-hoo, It Wasn’t Depressing After All”

Emotional masochists BTFO.

Sorry that you didn’t get the Games of Thrones ending that you were hoping for you sick freaks.

I guess having your expectations subverted isn’t always a good thing.

MILD SPOILER: Everyone lives, Ganon BTFO’d once again.

For some reason it wasn’t enough for a small amount of people that Breath of the Wild was a world where Ganon had triumphed. They wanted to EXPERIENCE the failure of Good and see all of the Champions being killed for themselves.

I don’t respect this desire even in the slightest. I think it’s spiritually sick. It’s *wrong* to want to play a game for the purpose of losing, it’s wrong to want to see heroes die, even if your excuse is “b-b-but they already did die in the story, I just wanna see HOW!” and I think everyone who actually wanted that should get their testosterone levels checked and also consider getting an exorcism.

Thankfully, Nintendo continued the Zelda tradition of Good triumphing in the end, leading to a few cool surprises in the story. A true MASTERCLASS of subverting expectations, which means that game journos should love it. Maybe they even do, but I’m not going to bother looking because you’d have to pay me money to read a game journalist’s opinion about anything, especially a game.

The gameplay’s also really neato, as I covered in my uh… preview… can I get a link to it? Here. Looks like my prediction was right.

It was even righter than I thought, because Impa can summon and ride a herd of giant frogs.

9/10, you can’t play as Purah 😡

ZZZZ

Am I forgetting anything? Oh, the weapons not breaking anymore is so spectacularly welcome that I am now bumping the score.

9.5/10