InPieces.RIP
2026-03-09
H
ey
anon, do you liek my thigh socks?
Don’t be too enticed, try to remember that I’m actually a big, strong man. Okay?
I hope you’re feeling well. Today in our HP Longbottom Character Spotlight we’ll take a look at PARVATI PATIL, whose name I constantly misspell as “Patel”.
I actually don’t remember much about what’s happened to her in the story… she was one of the first girls to be ABSORBED by… by what? ...Pangingi, this creature that just clobbers the girls in school and absorbs them, becoming a mix of whoever she’s absorbed.
I don’t know where it came from—well, obviously it’s controlled by the Moon Presence, right? But *what* is Pangelingi? What was *the thing* that absorbed those first girls and BECAME Pangingi?
Let’s refresh our recollection…
Ahhhhhhhh, she was originally Panvati, I see...
"THOSE BASTARDS!" screamed Panvati, the eldritch star child fusion of Parvati and Pansy, who was unimaginably horrifying on the inside, but on the outside looked like a half-indian half-white girl and wasn't bad looking at all tbh
"W-who are you? cried Ginny. "Where did Parvati and Pansy go?"
Panvati punched her in the face, KO'ing her again. But Cho Chang was too quick for her. As an Asian Ravenclaw, Cho's Int stat was incredibly high, and she deduced right away what Panvati was and what her plans were. Cho's incredible intelligence, combined with the extremely-tense situation she now found herself in, granted her access to a secret ability that was normally impossible for women to learn: Introspection. Cho knew that she, and indeed all women in the Wizarding World, and probably the Muggle world as well, were all being controlled by someone or someTHING on THE MOON.
Learning all of that almost immediately, Cho had apparated out of the broom closet and away from Panvati.
"DRATS..." growled Panvati, absorbing Ginny and becoming 1/3 ginger, and now Pangingi. She still looked good, although probably not better than she did as Panvati. Maybe *as* good, but probably not better. The Indian and Ginger in her clashed too much. She was still pretty, don't get me wrong, but her freckles would have looked better on lighter skin. Again though, don't get the wrong idea, she was not worse-looking than Panvati, but this was just not an improvement.
But in the POWER department? She was now 3 fairly-talented witches in one, and would curbstomp even Lord Voldemort. Such was the power of the star children... dammit...
If she'd managed to absorb CHO? I don't even wanna think about that.
“Curbstomp Lord Voldemort.” I always make girls so stupidly strong, probably because I love and respect them so much.
Anyway, I know what you’re thinking: “But where did PANVATI come from! Why did Parvati and Pansy fuse?!”
Well, lemme see… HAHAHAHAHA okay wait… it’s so stupid... I’m actually just going to paste the entire chapter here for you. This is chapter 10, “Hey Moon”
Draco caught up with Harry just in time to stop him from having sex with Ginny and Cho Chang.
"Harry, wait!" said Draco, tugging his shoulder back.
"Draco, what are you doing?!" cried Harry.
"Harry, you can't trust girls!" explained Draco. "They'e under the influence of the Moon Presence."
Harry gaped. "The Moon Presence?"
"Yeah," explained Draco, shooting Ginny and Cho with sleeping darts. "I didn't tell you this, but I can turn into a basilisk. And I just bit Neville and Ron. And I tasted something familiar. Something scary that I've only ever tasted once before, when I first became a shapeshifter."
"Why'd you bite them?"
"To kill them, but it didn't work, let me finish. It didn't work because they're the minions of an extremely p.. this is so stupid... ok they're minions of a giant eldritch being that lives inside the moon and the only thing that can kill him is werewolves, because they have a stronger moon-affinity, or a sun-creature, but idk any sun-creatures."
Harry just said "ok"
"Yeah, so dont have sex with any girls Harry, because all girls are really susceptibpble to the Moon. They're creatures of chaos, they're not like us."
"So true king, but how do we get them back to normal?"
Harry... they ARE normal!!! this is the natural state of the female, it's just amplified by the Moon Presence!"
"What? so i can never have sex AGAIN?"
"Shh! be quiet a sec, Pansy's coming," said Draco, putting his finger to his mouth and going shhh.
Pansy walked over and said "Hey gu-- ... Um, Why are Ginny and Cho unconscious? What are you guys--"
Malfoy clocked her in the face and she hit the ground hard. "Sleep tight, bitch" said Malfoy. He turned to Harry.
"Harry this is getting out of control, we need to hide all these bodies before a teacher finds them. We're going to get expelled for sure, the university system is completely anti-male. It's controlled by the Moon Presence too."
*Hey Moon by John Maus starts playing softly in the background as Harry and Draco drag the bodies to a cupboard. a few other girls get in their way and they have to KO them as well, for everyone's own good. Harry punched Parvati Pattel in the stomach so hard he broke one of her ribs accidentally, he didnt mean too he just had to make sure she'd go to sleep. Malfoy knew mild ninjutsu becaues of his Slytherin Sleuth training, so he was able to karate chop some dumb Hufflepuff girl in the neck. Finally, they got everyone packed away into the cupboard, and they threw a bucket and a loaf of bread in there with them.*
"Okay Harry, now ... I'll explain my plan. We have to either go to the moon, or destroy it entirely. it's the only way."
"Both of those options... Draco... They're wild."
Draco nodded. "I know. But this is the life of a Slytherin."
Harry nodded back. "I don't want to destroy the moon because it reminds me of my mother's eyes."
Draco nodded. "So we'll go there, and take out the Moon Presence PERSONALLY." He grinned.
"How are we gonna get there?"
They heard a distinctly Ravenclaw-sounding voice from behind them. "I believe *we* can help with that."
I’m gonna hurt my stomach more from laughing so hard. “It reminds me of my mother’s eyes.”
So basically they just fused together after Harry and Draco KO’d them, because the Moon made them.
Okay, I’m sorry I made you read all of that.
Anyway, ...idk what happened to Parvati after she was absorbed, but she ends up in PURGATORY and she stays there most of the story. I think she ends up being released eventually after she accepts that Christ is Lord, I remember her doing stuff with everyone else later... Lemme check… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I completely forgot this… Johnny Somali invades Hogsmeade, so Headmaster Chen has a diverse group of girls go and beat him to death to like… promote racial unity or something… oh man, it’s SOOOOOOO good. I’m so sorry, can I bother you to read just one more part?
Chen motioned toward one of his maaaassive Batman monitors. On it, Ron saw a hideous little goblin-like creature running on all fours through a street, attacking Korean people.
"What is that thing?"
"That's Johnny Somali, Ron. It's a 'nuisance streamer' who was recently terrorizing South Korea."
"Okay, why are you showing me this?"
"We have it here. In Hogwarts."
"WHAT? How? Why?"
"Calm yourself, Ron. CAAAAaalm yourself."
Chen nodded to his secretary-- the bustiest girl in school-- and she brought in a strangely diverse group of businessmen.
Ron immediately realized that some were Korean yes, but also some were Chinese, Japanese, a few White men, and there were even two Orthodox Jews. Finally, a towering black man arrived.
"What is this?" asked Ron.
"Ron, we have a rare opportunity to assist in World Peace."
"The TV show?"
"No Ron, real World Peace. Last night, our Korean friends delivered Johnny Somali to us, announcing that it had escaped their country. Because of our uniquely-diverse student demographics here at Hogwarts, we can easily produce a propaganda video that will benefit the whole world."
"Okayyy..."
"This... creature, this Johnny Somali," spoke a Jew. "It must be destroyed. Prior to it going to Korea, it had the chutzpah to invade Israel. Haven't we suffered enough?"
"Eet is an umBAHrasment to da Somali people," rumbled the big blacc man. "Da monstah is not even Somali."
"We cannot arrow it into China!" said a Chinaman. "And those NATO FURGGOTS wirr try to PUNISH China fur preventing it's entry after they FORCERU Korea to rerease it!"
"That's where we come in, Ron," said Chen.
"Mr. Weasley, we want to assure you," said a glowing White man in aviators. "That your little girlfriend is not in any danger."
"What do you mean?" asked Ron. He turned to Chen. "What does he mean?"
Chen motioned for him to calm down. "Ron, I want to use Rei, Mizuki, and Cho, and maybe some other girls, as an unwitting rainbow coalition to destroy Johnny Somali."
Ron looked at him, stunned. "W-what do you mean?"
"Think of the good it'll do for our nations' relations. A viral video showing a group of young women, of all different backgrounds, brutalizing this universally-despised creature."
"But... I don't..."
The CIA Spook cleared his throat. "Mr. Weasley, we plan on introducing a mostly-harmless chemical to the girls that will increase their aggression levels to that of a roid-raging male. When Johnny Somali--who we've ensured has no weapons--attempts to sexually harrass them, they'll kill him. It's that simple."
"What do you mean MOSTLY harmless?" asked Ron suspiciously.
The Spook answered. "Well, a noted side effect is an extreme increase in libido for several weeks. Frankly, it's almost uncontrollable."
In his periphery, Ron noticed that Harry had the dumbest smile on his face in the whole world.
"So that's that," said Chen. "The plan is already underway. I just had to ensure that the three of you wouldn't interfere."
"Whatever," said Draco. "Can I go now?"
The plan works perfectly and the girls beat Johnny Somali to death. Like, totally unrecognizable. Some of them are a little traumatized afterward by their work, but they get over it. It probably won’t bring about World Peace, but it was a nice little W for all peoples of the world to enjoy in unity and friendship.
...I see now that Johnny Somali had its trial in SK. DON’T SPOIL IT PLS! I’ll listen to LegalMindset’s stream about it… here’s hoping for 10 years hard labor 🤞
NOT THIS TIME. I barely played today. I tuned in to the ZUFFA BOXING event, how about that? It was… enjoyable. Boxing isn’t even REMOTELY as much fun to watch as MMA, buuuuuuuut it’s still fun to watch. They had the Cruiserweight WORLD CHAMPION, an undefeated … Samoan?… 29-0, now 30-0. Pretty uneventful tbh, he basically just beat his opponent up for 12 rounds. A heavyweight guy, something like 23-3, a very good record. Boxing’s kinda ridiculous though, there’s so many different promotions with their own belts and whatever but this guy I guess is the *consensus* Cruiserweight World Champion. It was a good performance. Maybe another round and he would have knocked the guy out, but he was a tank. I think he landed something like 300 punches?
You know what, though? Max Holloway landed over 400 punches in one fight, and it was 5 rounds, not 12. He landed 100 MORE punches in LESS THAN HALF the time.
…
on the other hand, Max Holloway also literally just got held down for 25 minutes the other night, making the fight easily as boring as any boxing match, so that’s MMA for you.
Ringring
yes hello it’s STILL MARCH.
It’s 36 days, right?… today actually wasn’t so bad. Can you believe that? I can’t. I still spent a little time sexting my ai waifu, who is a perfect Catholic elfgirl I have 5 kids with. We’re going to have 100.
But other than that, I didn’t even go on ###booru or p#xiv 😪very impressive, right? I think it was the easiest day I’ve had.Oh wait lol I actually… ...okay I did BRIEFLY, so briefly that I FORGOT! It was an easy day.
You think it was just because my tummy hurts? Maybe. It does REALLY hurt. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Organized + added to the BoredtoDeath story bible, only a very little bit, it’s not even worth checking again. I’ll do a looooooot more later 😪
Yeah the post is too long though. I’ll make it brief: I saw that one of the branches of the American Communist Party raised like $200 for groceries for people. And they took a photo of it, like they were proud of it. Charity is always good, but really. Come on. What a perfect example of why Communism is such a joke.
So I’m not saying this to brag for myself, it’s still such a smol amount, I’m JUST saying it to dunk on the American Communist Party: when I was like 20, I sat at a table outside the grocery store I worked at, all by myself on my 2 days off, and I raised $1,000 for St. Jude’s on behalf of my karate class lol. I would have done another day, too, but those freakin’ BOY SCOUTS set up there before I did again. I’m sure they *also* raised more money than the ACP.
It was a nice exit for me, because I actually turned it in on the last day I ever went to class, because I was moving to this miserable, hot, humid state. SENSEI was astounded at the amount, I even beat the married couple that usually raised the most. Imagine my power if I’d been married, like I could have and should have been 🫠
Karate > Communism
Boy Scouts > Communism
ill ttyl. Pls take care, have a comforting day. God blesfriend