Exercise Or Die

Stop Putting It Off

Flex your bicep right now. Congratulations, you've done more physical exertion than like 99% of the population does all day.

Now just form it into a habit. Here's a few TIPS, TRICKS, and EPIC HAX:

Fit-Bits™ Are Worthless

A wise man once said "I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke." In the same way, I have never seen a fit person wearing a Fit-Bit.

Most of the kind of data that athletic watches keep track of is stuff that only elite athletes should have an interest in tracking. Are you an elite athlete? Probably not. You don't need to track your sleep.

What Fitbitzzz WILL do is OVERWHELM you with bullshit information and further distract and discourage you.

The CONCEPT of these devices SOUNDS great: "keep track of progress"

The EXECUTION, like most apps, is miserable trash. Don't drown yourself in unnecessary data. Fitness is simple.

Get a Notebook

a simple marble notebook is the ONLY thing you need to keep track of your workout progress.

just kidding, you need a pen too.

writing down what you do will encourage you and help you form the habit. And it'll be nice and SIMPLE.

the progress that you will see in NUMBERS, you will see MUCH SOONER than the progress you'll see in the mirror-- so focus on those numbers and before you know it, you'll start seeing a Greek god reflected back at you.

Don't Worry About Figuring Out The Perfect Routine

Just like those schmitbits, trying to tweak the efficiency of your workout routine is something that elite athletes have to think about: not you. YOU don't even have a routine to begin with, don't worry about perfecting it.

Don't worry about perfectly mapping out your week to train different body parts when you can't even do 10 pull-ups.

You Don't Need a Gym Membership

I hate going out just as much, or more, than you do.

Thankfully, you can get fit right from your own home.

Gyms do have very useful equipment. But if you don't exercise to begin with, you're not even in the place where you need to think about using that equipment.

If gyms are going to spook you or overwhelm you, forget about them. When the time comes when you know you need to start using equipment, by then you'll no-longer be intimidated by them anyway.

During 2020, people used the lockdowns forcing their gyms to close as an excuse to not work out at all. Don't let your physical fitness be "tied" to anything that can be taken away.

(All of that said, if you have the $, and IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO COMMIT TO IT, a gym membership and a trainer can make things easier for you by lightening the mental effort. It's like being taught an instrument instead of self-teaching. BUT YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOW UP FOR CLASS)

It's Not Okay to be Fat, It's Not Okay to be Weak

Everyone knows this in their hearts, including weaks and fats. The amount of time they spend on self-affirmative COPING wouldn't be necessary otherwise. Sometimes "society" isn't the bad guy, you are. You can assert all you want that "society" is the only reason why people find strength desirable and only mentally-ill fetishists aren't physically repulsed by obesity, but it's meaningless. You'll never browbeat people against nature, it just doesn't work.

LITERALLY ANYTHING is an improvement. Start from there, NOW.

Drop down and do 10 push-ups. Congratulations, you've now done something. Write it down.

Hopefully you can do even more. So do a few more sets of 10 if you can. Don't make yourself sick trying to show off for me, this is a 1-way interaction.

Now what? Now, tomorrow beat that score. Then do it again the next day.

That's the general idea, and it's understanding that general idea that will allow you to learn more about your body and begin branching out into different exercises for different body parts.

If you wake up sore, you've already hit a limit. Rest until you're not sore before you try again.

Don't Make It So Complicated, Idiot.

Because it's really really not. Literally just drop down and do some push-ups. Like all habits and all hobbies, you have to just START. That's the hardest part. ONCE YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT, then congratulations, you're doing it. It only goes uphill from there.

If You Don't Work Out, You Don't Understand Your Own Body

Using your muscles is a skill just like any other. If you don't actually exercise, then trying to do basic physical activity is like trying to speak Chinese. Your own body will feel "foreign" to you when you try doing things that you don't normally do: like a pull-up.

Thankfully, it doesn't take as much brainpower to learn your body as it does to learn a language. So get started.

Nothing But Benefit

working out will reduce your anxiety.

working out will reduce your depression.

[insert Men's Warehouse quote here]

Go work out. Bye.