V-Pets are COOL

Hey. I'm gonna COMPARE and CONTRAST some Digimon and Tamagotchi lol. Aaaaand idk, talk about virtual pets in general, I guess. We'll throw in some Pokemon, too. I'll compare them to REAL PETS, too. I didn't have any v-pets when I was growing up, I've always just had real ones. Cats, dogs, frogs, lizards, uh, a bird. Real pets are fantastic, you love them and care for them. Animals are a perfect addition to a family, or even a lone person. It's healthy to have something other than yourself to care for, it helps keeps you human. Even though V-pets can't replace pets(and pets can't come close to replacing babies), they're still uh... what are they? Fun? They're something. And the well-documented misery of kids in the 90s when their Tamagotchis died shows, I think, they can be either a learning tool or a test for compassion. For grown men suffering nostalgia sickness, they're neat and inexpensive gadgets that won't take up too much space inside your living pod or even your locker at the wagiecage, so you can check on them during your permitted bathroom break! Just make sure they're muted so you don't get fired and then you can't pay rent and then you freeze to death. So uh, let's go over them. Maybe YOU'LL wanna get one! Note: Do not have more than 1 alive at a time, you can easily do it, but you're not going to care about them as much if you're spreading affection among multiple things that you can barely care about in the first place. I was in a mood a few months ago, and got my first Digimon, the

20th anniversary

re-release of the original, with a few pretty neato additions: you can have 2 Digimon at ONCE :O and the device contains all or most of the eggs from all of the original editions-- so there's like over 100 Digimon. Isn't that freakin neato? Other than that, it's the same simple way to take care of a Tamagotchi, just with the ability to BATTLE cpu Digimon or against another device's. Feed them, play with them(train), clean their poop, and do it well or else they'll die or worse: evolve into something ugly. Really my one issue with the Digimon is that they seem to poop SO OFTEN. I haven't timed it or anything, but it feels like a few hours is all it takes for your screen to be filled with poop. And IDK if having 2 at once makes it even *faster*, but you know it doesn't make it *slower*. Some PRO DIGITAMERS utilize poop as an evolution strategy: NEVER clean it up and they won't be able to poop anymore, so they won't be able to get sick anymore. It works, but it's also kinda dumb to have a screen of poop with your mon pushed to the edge. If I'm going to cheat, I prefer the cleaner alternative of changing the time so they're always sleeping and don't need any kind of care at all. Neither are really necessary, though. Just make sure you set their clock to your own sleep schedule(or lack thereof). Having 100+ monsters on one device is freaking insaaaaaane. They're also the least-expensive device I have here.

The Digimon X

is ... what is it... it's a more-involved version of the 20th. There's something like 30 Digimon on it, and now you can raise 1 Digimon at a time but can swap between another 2 whenever you want. Now the battling is much more important. There's 30 stages to battle through and your Digimon gain xp/level up, both of which unlock new evolution paths. So you gotta clear those stages, and ya gotta level up, OR ELSE. The most important thing is still taking care of them. And now, if you don't want your Digimon to die, you can actually *prevent* them from dying by rapidly pressing the B button 100 times before a minute's up. It's actually pretty depressing. They start crying sadly, and you rush to save them-- and then they're perfectly fine. Until the next time you accidentally let their hunger meter go down for 15 minutes, and you have to save them again. That's CRAZY, I think it might just be better if they died. It's just ROUGH playing God. If you save them, they're still ALWAYS on the brink of death! Now that said lol, I love it anyway. The white and blue one has two Sistermon on it, Blanc and Ciel. It makes it the best Digimon X and arguably the best Digimon device period. (Besides the Sistermons, it also has a bunch of cool stage VI+s, including CRUSADERMON, making it the Official Christian Digimon X Device) Besides that, there's ITEMS now, but they're mostly related to battling. The ones that aren't are worthless. But it's neat that they're there anyway. You get them either by winning battles or as random gifts. The number of random encounters and to a certain extent how well your Digimon do in battle is decided by a digital dice roll every day. The Digimon don't seem to POOP as much on the X, which gives it a big bonus. And even though the battling can be a little *too much* to do, it's hard to be too bothered by it when you can always swap between another 2 Digimon anyway. Or -- oh yeah lol you can FREEZE them now. Just chuck them in a fridge, and it halts their growth but you don't have to take care of them. So any time you're too busy to battle, INTO THE FRIDGE. It's worth noting though, that you can effectively do this on the 20th as well just by hitting the reset button and then loading it whenever you want. So I DUNNO. Maybe I should time the poops. As nice as the X's additions are, it still has less than 1/3 of the Digimon.

The Digimon Pendelum Color

Speaking of SMALL ROSTERS, the Pen Color also only has like 30 mon. BUT: it's in color. AND? It's RECHARGEABLE. AND AND? You shake it. Das rite, you SHAKE it to power up your Digimon's attacks. It only requires a very slight shake to register, you don't have to sperg out, don't worry. I love the WHITE and GOLD Virus Busters one because it's got a bunch of angel Digimon on it, it's the Official Christian Digimon Pendelum Color Device. Besides that though, it's actually pretty inferior to the other devices lol. For example, the album that you can fill up with Digimon you unlock only has pictures and not names. How are you supposed to know what anyone's called?! I really don't know. I guess they want you to go to https://humulos.com/digimon/ to find out. You can also only have 1 Digimon out and 1 backed up. So this thing just SUCKS, right? WRONG SIR, WRONG! Again, it's in color, it's neato, it's rechargeable, it still has a decent sized roster that's GOOD, they don't POOP too much. It's a nice and simple device. Probably the easiest one to use. It even lets you track your evolution-affecting care mistakes, something none of the others do. I love it. It's friggin expensive though, about $100+.

Tamagotchi

The monstrosity that started it all. Only for nostalgia. It's not BAD, it's just worse than all the other devices here in every way. Again though, it's NOT badlol. Works the same as the original Digimon. Or rather, Digimon works the same as Tamagotchi, since it came after it as a boy-focused counterpart. Really the only problem with this is that the only way to "play" with it to keep it happy is an AWFUL game of 50/50 chance. (You can also give it candy to make it happy, but that'll just increase its weight and make it a HECKIN' HONKER[Redditors are the scum of the Earth] and then it'll get sick) The Tama is also DOOMED to the lifespan of the battery. Every other device here will save your pet during a battery change, but the original Tamagotchi does not. So don't get too attached! That's a good lesson, right? It might be if the happiness game wasn't SO BAD. Worst device here, but still-- it's awesome lol. Like

Tamagotchi Connection

Now this thing is awesome. It's in improvement over the original in every way, and it's probably fair to say it's better than the Digimon as well. It's got tons of games(even if a lot of them are ball-bustingly hard) it's got a shop to buy stuff that changes its stock periodically, it's got raaaaandom encounters, your Tama has different MOODS, you can feed HIM or HER all kinds of different foods-- and the HIM and HER thing is important, because now you can go on dates with other Connections and breeeeeeeeed them to make new Tamas!

ORAAAAAA!! DON'T WORRY, I'LL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!

T-this Tama's trouble! He's seriously trying to knock me up!❤️

Overall, the Tamagotchi Connection is an extremely impressive vpet. The ONE thing I don't like is that it's not rechargeable. If it were, I dunno man, it might be perfect. I think it rocks.

Tamagotchi Uni

I assume the "Uni" stands for Universe, because it connects to Wi-fi and you can check out other people's Tamas in a little town square. It's -- well, let's just get this out of the way first: I hate the way it looks. It's embarrassing to own. And this was the least-girly color available. I'm getting a black case for it that should hopefully make it less emasculating to hold. And also hopefully add a bit of weight to it, because it is LIGHT compared to its size. It just feels "cheap". But as for what's going on *inside* it? It's great. Full color, has everything the Connection has and more (except, seemingly it has fewer games which is weeeird). The thing's just fun, it's FUN. The menuing feels a little... bad. But that's a very minor issue. It's cool going to the TAMAVERSE, seeing all the other Tamas, giving them HEARTS, getting HEARTS back, and when your Tama's old enough...

PLAP PLAP PLAP ORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

I- I've become his wife... ❤️

The Uni comes with a band to wear it like a watch, but I wouldn't wear this on my wrist if you put a gun to my head. It's for girls. It's for little girls lmao and the first and only review of it I watched was by a gay man. Would you like me to cope with this? Fine, here's my cope:

That's a Tamagotchi Store in Tokyo. As you can see, there is a total CHAD followed by 2 cool skinny guys, all of whom fuck *exactly* as many women as they want to. What, you think they're getting them for their girlfriends? Nice try, their girlfriends ALREADY HAVE Tamagotchis, they're shopping for themselves and you know it. Now YOU'RE coping. Tamagotchi may be targeted at girls, but because they're actually cool, of COURSE men will enjoy them. The Tamagotchi Uni's design is DISGRACEFUL. But the device itself is pretty great, much like the Connection but in fuuuull color, with a house you can decorate and customize, some neato extra network features--it's just COOOOOL, man! It even has a SITTER, so you can just forget about it lol. The menuing I mentioned earlier really is uh, shitty though. There's no "border" options to pass through like all the earlier ones, you go to a menu screen now and decide where to g-- I'm being petty, it's not that bad. The Tamas are cute, there's tons of stuff to buy, tons of food to gibs them, you can get DELIVERIES, it's just coooool, man. I just wish it wasn't so humiliating to own. God pls let that case come soon.

But what of...Pokemon?

Spending so much time lately with these virtual pets has made me think about how they compare to Pokemon. What makes them different? They're both uh... not real lol. They're digital creatures that are your pets, roooight? I guess you don't have to take care of Pokemon as much, right? At least, you don't have to feed them, you still have to keep them healthy, since they're your combat slaves. But they never die on you, how about that? In the newer games, there is some interaction with them though, like uh, PETTING. But here's something: here's something that I'm going to just assert: In Pokemon, you're being CUCKED by your player character! Because that's not really YOUR Pikachu, that's *Red's* Pikachu. And you can cope by saying "B-b-but I AM Red!", but you're NOT, you're just controlling him. You can use your imagination aaaaaall you want, but you're not the player character in Pokemon, you're the player character IRL. So that's a degree of separation between you and your Pokemon that Digimon do-- oaky, that's enough, I'm boring myself, I'm really sorry I put you through this.

IN CONCLUSION

V-pets are cool, I liek them. They're not pets, but I think they're kinda positive. They're not as time-wasting as normal video games, and they're COOL keychains accessories that people will notice and start conversations with you over. Tamagotchi does crossovers with a bunch of anime and other properties for their "Nanos", which I kinda want to try out. But of course all of the cheap ones rn I really have no interest in-- well, maybe the Demon Slayer one... that was a good manga, man, very very wholesome. I thought it was just about perfect. You know I obviously didn't like That One Girl dying, but it was sooo cool how she planned it and got her revenge and you see her in the afterlife being smug-- just cool, she was so cool. And her SISTER se-- when her eye goes--REGOIJHGSTH Anyway, if YOU feel like getting one of these FINE v-pets... get the Digimon 20th. They're like under $20 right now. The X is around $30. Pen's way too expensive. The original Tama's a pain, the Connection requires *another* Connection to reproduce which is a KEY GAMEPLAY ELEMENT, and the Uni is humiliating to own so I can't recommend it. If the case covers it up well enough, I may change this.