Wizard
Knight Perspective
review of The Wizard Knight by Gene Wolfe
originally in blog posts from April to June
2025
Pls get a copy and read along
First post begins a few chapters in, after
Able needs a new pair of clothes
1
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
i love this book, it's freaking great.
I
don't even
really
want to continue telling you about it, I'd rather you(You) just
read it and I don't want to spoil too much.
I'm
going to keep doing it anyway though because I wanna talk about
it, but maybe I'll . give less details or something idk... I'll
obscure stuff and be vague lol
Uhhhh--
guy's been OFFICIALLY knighted by the-- I called her a Dryad,
which she is, it's synonymous here, but she's an Elf too. An
Aelf. An Aelf queen. And even though he's just a dumb weak man
and she statutory(fake) raped him with her horrifying POWER
DYNAMICS, she at least says she loves him and I have no reason
to doubt her, and she's like a smug anime girl teasing him, and
it's very charming. Men only want one thing and it's disgusting.
So
what's next... he's probably found himself a squire, the little
brother of the girl who made his clothes. Didn't I say it? DO
NOT LAUGH AT MYSTERIOUS LARGE NAKED MEN, THEY WILL TAKE
EVERYTHING. And now he's taken his SON too lmao
He
found a woman he was supposed to find prior to meeting the
Dryad-- wife of some schmuck who was helping outlaws, and
they've gone back to Bold Berthold's cabin.
Able
is now "much larger" than Bold Berthold, who if you
remember, I described the other day as like, a beast mountain
man himself who managed to kill a few giants with spears and
axes.
No
wonder Laughing Man's daughter was throwing herself at him,
Able's beyond a gigachad now.
Anyway,
they've been staying with Berthold for weeks because she's too
weak to travel and
uh, frankly not in a rush to return to her soy-rage husband
who'd beaten her when she was pregnant(she's got her newborn
with her) when she's in the company of 2 men who are better in
every way. So they've basically just started living as
husband(s) and wife. Berthold and Able kill stuff, she maintains
the home and cooks what they bring back. As God intended,
mostly. Very comfy, they're all content. But Able REMAINS
FAITHFUL to his Dryad Waifu, and Berthold? Well idk, maybe
Berthold will end up taking her when Able leaves, that'd be
nice. There's no way she's returning to her cuck husband, right?
[Edit: husband found her and killed her and burned down
Berthold's cabin. RIP. Able will avenge her. Berthold's missing
but Able at least found and saved the baby and is traveling with
him]
Able
hears her talking to Berthold one night and she believes that
Able isn't really a knight, but a powerful wizard. She has her
reasons, which are probably right, and I won't mention them.
Oh
and uhhhh... Able'd gonna be searching for a certain mythical
sword to impress his waifu. She Takagi-san teased him into it.
Eterne, the Mother of Swords, that's what he'll be searching
for. I think a dragon has it. Good luck, Able! Do your best!
2
Uhhhh…
bro's on a ship now. I'm going to leave out a lot, because I
want you to read it. A lot of cool stuff happened in the last
few chapters: some fights, some new allies met, but now, bro's
off to meet the Duke and offer his service.
He
REFUSES TO GET A SWORD until he has the one his waifu wanted him
to get for her. And it's pretty funny because his new follower,
a sailor, was groaning about it when they were at an armorer.
Because knights are supposed to have swords! "Pls get a
sword you're freakin embarrassing me" Bro's like "I
WON'T! What about a battle-ax or something?". But it's just
not the same!
Imagine
serving a knight and he doesn't have a sword. Sailorbro's right,
it's SHAMEFUL. It's like you're not a knight's follower at all,
you're the follower of some random big guy.
You might as well hang a wooden sign around your neck that says
"FREE USE WHORE–CREAMPIE OK!"
So
they settle on this strange foreign mace that goes in a sheath
like a sword–it *appears* to be a sword when it hasn't been
drawn, so it'll get him the same respect. And when it *has* been
drawn, the old smithbro said it clobbered a great helm he'd
tested it on. So pretty awesome. I imagine it kinda looks like
Severian's executioner's sword in BOTNS, but not sharp on its
edges. You know, just like a rectangle like this []=[]========
Right?
Something like that.
Anyway
that's all, very neato.
Oh–wait,
more WIZARD KNIGHT–idk if Able avenged the mother who'd been
killed by her husband, but he at least gave her baby to some
elves to raise him because he figured he'd be safer with them in
case he couldn't kill his father. He did kill a lot of outlaws,
I guess he might have been among them but uh–well, it doesn't
matter. He thinks Berthold is dead and he just couldn't find his
body, because he knows Berthold wouldn't have run away when they
attacked the cabin. There's something to that, but idk, if he's
not able to find the body, then what happened to–OH MY GOSH I
FORGOT TO MENTION
ABLE
SAW ONE OF THEM, THE ANGRBORN, THE GIANTS. It scared the shit
out of him. Thankfully it didn't notice him. How tall was it…
lemme think… he said something like a tall man on a horse
would barely reach its waist, so… what, maybe something like
25 feet? He'd only ever imagined them as around 8 feet. I
thought that was a nice detail, the UNDERESTIMATION that people
tend to make about, really anything big. Imagine Attack on Titan
without the vertical-maneuvering equipment. Imagine having to
fight Andre the Giant, and then multiply that by 3.
Really
good description of it too, they're *not* human, at all. He said
something like… a crocodile is not less human than them. They
might *resemble* extremely-ugly people (with giant eyes and ears
and tusks and bodies covered in hair), but they don't have any
other sort of human quality to them, they don't love, they
aren't loved, they're lower than animals.
And
that said, they do rape human women and then half-giants are
born. I think that was the fate of Berthold's fiancee. But
theylmao …well, I'm just going to say that the half-giants do
at least look human, just taller. So they're basically
ethnically cleansing themselves. A small silver lining, but it'd
be better to just… kill them first.
3
Uhh,
there was a fight. There's these insane subhuman cannibals
called Osterlings who uh, attacked the ship bro was on, and he
killed a ton of them but got stabbed so now he'ssss being
healed. Under the ocean. Some kelpie girls took him down.
Oh,
I made a mistake–his dryad waifu didn't age him up *to* take
advantage of him, she aged him up *by* taking advantage of him.
With a bunch of her sisters.
I
realized my error when I went back and read it over, because
he's like, all SCARED and ANXIOUS about everything, because he's
mostly a kid on the inside. It's an important distinction for
the story, because sleeping with a woman is often considered the
"ascent to manhood". As he's telling other men "I
was a boy, then after a night with her I was man, and I wish I
could go back to how I was before", they're all like "Yeah,
I know that feel bro" but they DON'T know that feel–but
no, they DO, they're being totally honest. So the same way we
ask "What makes a knight?" we have to ask "What
makes a man?"
So
it's a cool uh, detail that I'm glad I didn't miss for too long.
Anyway,
he's going to get a lot stronger down there. It's been TEASED
that later, "Giants
ran from me then and the ones that did not died."
So
he's gonna go like, Tolkien 2nd Age Elfmode. Very cool, looking
forward to it.
I
think I'm getting better at leaving out details and not spoiling
too much. That said, obviously still read it pls!
4
Bro's
perhaps become the strongest knight in the world now after
learning from a… Water Aelf who may actually be a dragon. We
don't know yet, his strength is untested. And I think he's gonna
have to fight someone very very big and very very strong soon.
Some entity deeper down who almost destroyed 2 entire races of
people who'd gathered to face her–she seems to be
female(unlike Bowblax)–and only didn't because they gave up
and ran away from her.
He's
acquired two(2) cute fire elf slavegirls. Pretty great, huh?
They're shapeshifters that were attacking him as kinda.. Giant
bats, as he ran up a stair that… the top goes to Mythgarthr,
the world he was already in, but remember, he'd been taken
doooown into the ocean for his wound to be healed and uhhhh…
it was in Aelfrice. Anyway he buckbroke the bats, they turned
back into naked thin nubile girls, and they've dedicated
themselves to him.
Oh.
I was wrong about dryad waifu, she didn't group-traumatize him
with a bunch of her sisters, she'd just shapeshifted into a
bunch of different girls for him. That's IMPORTANT, because it
speaks a bit to her intent and commitment to him. We know that
he's had lovers in the past who've died or forsaken her, but
seems to be dedicated to him now. Hopefully, because he's
freaking crazy for her.
Oh,
also she worships him. They all do, all the Aelves. That's
a–this is really interesting. The people of one world worship
the people in the world higher than
theirs. So the way the men look at the Overcyns of Skye,
apparently the Aelves look at men that way.
Bro's
like "SHE DOESN'T WORSHIP ME, I WORSHIP HER."
And
dragonbro's like "Would she agree with you?"
And
it makes ya think. We don't even see this girl, like ever. She's
shown up a few times, loved him, teased him, and left. What's
she doing all the rest of the time? You get the *impression*,
just from a total lack of information, that she's like just
indifferent, her feelings are non-existent, but who's to say she
isn't exactly as head-over-heels for him as he is for her? Even
if she's not THAT much, it'ssssss something to think about, it's
very neato. It reminds me of the way Zeus would lose his
cool and jump down from Mount Olympus to mount a mortal woman
because she was just TOO beautiful: followers actually having
some kind of power over the gods they worship.
There's
still something higher, though. Someone higher than the Overcyns
of Skye: there's two more worlds above it, and a One God has
been referenced.
Down
here, we're already seeing creatures larger than planes. And
again, there's someone deep in the ocean who
almost destroyed two entire races at once.
In
The Book of the New Sun, there were "gods" the size of
mountains that moved around unda da sea–Abaia and Erebus. We
never got to see those big bois, we only felt their influence.
Is
Knightbro going to have to fight something like them now?
And
just as Abaia and Erebus, who shook the planet with their
movements, were POWERLESS against even greater forces, is
something greater still waiting in the worlds above Mythgarthr
and Aelfrice?
It
was already awesome, and it's getting more awesome.
5
What's
happened?
Well,
knightbro Able has faced the ENTITY IN THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN
Before
swimming down to her, he saw a statue of a woman that was SO
sexy that he immediately got a boner and had to jump into a cold
fountain so dragonbro wouldn't see it.
Oh
yeah, he's naked, he's been naked since going into the ocean to
be healed, the uh… kelpies stole his clothes.
Now,
really think about that though: the image of a woman so
beautiful, you see her and just BAM, no more blood in your head.
Immediately. That's very important. He remarks that this statue
made the Fire aelf–
[Note:
I believe I've incorrectly been using "Aelves", when
it's just "Aelf", idr]
–those
slender, supple, lithe, flawless, breedable, girls who he was
having trouble *not* looking at–it made them "look like
boys" to him.
(In
the future he still claims that Dryadwaifu is the most beautiful
woman he's ever seen. Idk how this could POSSIBLY be true, but I
believe him. If she's not *objectively* more attractive, he at
least loves her that much and I think that's very sweet.)
BUT
WHY IS THIS STATUE IMPORTANT THOUGH?
Well,
it's a statue of the one at the bottom of the ocean. She ruled
Aelfrice before the Aelf. She created the Aelf, fashioned after
the men of Mythgarthr, to protect trees and plants.
And
they chased her into the water, and then they chased her down
into the deep.
When
Able asked her about how she'd almost exterminated all of the
Fire and Water Aelf, she said it was because she just had
no-where else to flee to.
Oh,
also she's giant now. Dat deep-sea gigantism. He thought she
could have worn the statue of her around her neck on a chain.
Uhh…
It's
just. Awesomelmao. So she reveals herself to Able, and he's like
"Ah, ok I gotta go, I don't think I can kill you yet, I
don't even have a sword. Can I go?"
And
she's like "k. I hope you don't come back for a long time."
He
doesn't *want* to kill her, but he feels he has to try, because
he promised Dragonbro and the Fire aelf girls. And even the
Kelpie iirc, idr. Point being, the Aelf HATE HER. And he asks
her why, and she tells him to ask them. She loves them, and only
fears them because they fear her and want to kill her.
Tfw
your creation hates you.
So
that's where we're at. Just awesome.
Idk,
what do you think? She's obviously humanlike, and she existed
before the Aelf, so was SHE human? Hard to say.
It's
IMPORTANT to note that there are also giant women in the water
in Book of the New Sun. Well, I'm *saying* that it's important
because I want to talk about it. I think Gene Wolfe just likes
using certain ideas and themes over and over, I'm not saying
"LOOK, THEY'RE THE SAME GIANT OCEAN WOMEN!🤓" I'm
not saying they're not related at all either, I JUST WANNA WRITE
ABOUT EM
They
uh… well in BOTNS, they served either Erebus, Abaia, or both,
idr. And they kinda wanted Severian to come down with them,
which to me recalls Christ being tempted by Satan.
"Severian
come serve Abaia, you can like, rule a bunch of stuff :3 "
Also… the guy… whose name I can't remember… Typhon also
offered Severian power in exchange for worshiping him, that's
probably a *much more* direct comparison. Maybe the water women
just wanted to fuck him, idr. They probably weren't as bad as
Typhon. I think they even saved Severian at least once–but
still overall, they represent the *world*, and it's a dying
world. If Typhon represents the temptation of the devil, they're
just uh, random thots. And Severian wast too autistic to fall
prey to them.
You
have to RESIST THE GIANT NAKED WOMEN IN THE WATER.
But
what about *this* one, Knightbro's one? She's got a totally
different story, she seems totally innocent! So why do they want
her dead?
I
think Dragonbro once fought her, but she won. Not necessarily
1v1, I think he was with the fire and water Aelf– at that
time, he had armories that contained all the weaponry of the
world: so much that it could be plundered for thousands of years
and hardly be missing much.
They
really want this bitch dead.
I
like her though. So does Able. I can't wait to read more.
6
Where
am I…
Able
just got clobbered by a knight in a friendly sparring match lol
He
met back up with his MAN, sailerbro– he was gone for 3 years!
He's lost Dragonbro though, and more importantly, his 2 fire
aelf girls. The demure, long-legged, thin, sub-100lb, breedable
naked fire aelf girls who called themselves his slaves. HE LOST
THEM AND IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE HE'S JUST OFF ON ANOTHER
ADVENTURE WITH A MAN.
He's
like freakin Severian in BOTNS when he lost Dorcas and just
wandered around with Jonas(ANOTHER SAILOR! KINDA!) for a while.
Well, no he's not, I guess he doesn't love the fire aelfgirls,
I'm just hornyposting on his behalf. Sry. Anyway he's challenged
to a uh, fight for a bet of 1 dollarydoo and a favor.
He's
bigger & stronger, but the guy was an experienced knight.
And Able was armed with a big serving spoon and pot lid because
he refuses to even wield a blunt practice sword -_-
Equipped
like Link at the beginning of Breath of the Wild. Except still a
gigachad, not a femboy with childbearing hips.
Remember
that Able has killed perhaps *dozens* of men by now. A couple
bandits, and tons of cannibal pirates. Did I write about the
cannibal pirates last time?
So
Able lost the bet and now has to help out the local lord with
something. Idk what it is yet. He wants to go up to a nearby
volcano so he can uh… check it out? Idk. It's said that it
goes down into Muspel, the world below Aelfrice. So two world
down.
Interestingly,
Dryadwaifu once said that there are dragons in… the 2nd world,
the one above Skye– uh… …forget it, I can't remember.BUT
THE THING IS, there are dragons ALSO down in Muspel, too. So
they're down in the 6th world *and* above in the 2nd world?
Really? Why? Idk. But I'll find out if it's true! And I'll let
you know.
7
Knightbro
was cold and badly hurt one night, after getting into a fight
over honor with a bunch of knights and getting KO'd after
beating a few of them so badly that they're going to die
now(lol)–and he had a dream that serpents were coiling around
him and warming him up. So he woke up to find that the fire
aelfgirls were all over him jumping his bones.
They
finally found him! They'd never given up on searching for him!
Imagine
the comfort though. Normal women are already like heaters, the
fire aelf can actually make themselves *hot*, like uh… heating
pads lol.
In
his half-asleep state one of them pretty easily seduced him into
biting her and kissing some of her blood, which does 2 things.
Heals him up very well, and I guess makes her a part of him
forever. She was very pleased with herself and smug about it
because after that, Able was awake enough for the other one to
not be able to get him to bite her.
I
think that's a really good touch. A lot of writers would be
tempted to uh… for the 2 girls to just be grouped in and share
all of the same *everything*. So only ONE of them getting a
bite, even though they're *both* serving Able equally, that's
pretty interesting, it almost feels INCOMPLETE or something,
it's like you *want* him to have both. It's UNFAIR to the other
girl.
She
shouldn't have been so busy sucking his dick! Too bad! He ended
up swatting her off because it felt too good, he's still
DEDICATED to Dryadwaifu. He'll let them cuddle up against him
though.
When
he woke up they were gone because they don't like the Sun.
Later
he pledges himself to the Duke that he wanted to, and while he
was kneeling and making his oath, he could hear one of the girls
nearby watching and giggling at him
THEY'RE
CUTE
The
way that women will totally-not respect the things we take
seriously and still love us anyway is pretty charming. It's
probably even more charming when they're skinny dark elfgirls
who will cross the ocean to jump you in bed.
Anyway,
Duke's like "I'm gonna set you on my enemies you know. You
sure you want this life? -_-"
And
SIR Able's like "Uh yeah, that's all I want, I'm a knight."
This is the Duke who was the lord of the first knight Able met,
it's IMPORTANT.
So
now he's gonna go guard a bridge for a few months and challenge
everyone who crosses it to rack up Honor. Really cool knightly
tradition, Wolfe does a great job at explaining *everything*
about the knights, not just their swords and armors, but really
the culture and traditions too. It's easy to just say "knights
are cool guys in armor", and that's very true, but there's
more to it.
Neato
stuff.
8
Lemme
see… Knightbro just won his first 1v1 lol some knight tried
killing him because he wouldn't let an innkeeper rip him off so
the innkeeper scurried away and said Able was a bandit.
The
knight was a sneaky scumbag and almost killed him even after
surrendering! But Able bonked him in the face with his
sword-shaped mace, Sword Breaker. And he took most of his stuff
as victor.
He's
getting some of it uhhhh… resized, getting the shield
repainted, etc.
One
of the fire aelf girls glomps him again.
It's
cool that they're uh… pretty much always following him or at
least watching him from Aelfrice, even though he usually can't
see them. But he'll hear them, sometimes they talk to him,
it'ssssssssssssss it's very cool.
Anyway
he heroically manages to not be seduced by her, despite her best
efforts. And instead he sends her off to go watch a family that
A GHOST OGRE IS HAUNTING?
Idk
what he's up to.
The
ghost broke a young man's arms. I think Able thinks it's not a
ghost, and may just be an actual ogre? We'll see.
His
dog is back. Did I ever mention his dog? Idr. He's kinda scared
of it because while it's normally just a big brown dog it can
become a nightmarish wolf-thing the size of a horse. He once saw
the decapitated body of a man even larger than himself. Doggo
did it obviously.
Able's
also learned where knights came from–they were the men who
once killed the frost giants or dragons or other monsters. Now
there's less monsters, but still more knights, so it seems to me
that they're not all as heroic as they should be. Able's met a
lot of awesome knights, but maybe just as many losers. Like the
guy he just clobbered and looted.
9
Anything
new?
…
Lol.
Uhhhh… yeah, knightbro battled an ogre. Ogres are uh, super
strong though. Consider Sir Able's body: guy's a head taller
than most men, sooo let's just say he's just shy of 7 feet. His
arms are "bigger than most men's legs". How much does
he weigh? Probably what… 300lb of muscle or just under it?
Heavyweight UFC fighters are 260, around 6'4. Let's say Sir
Able is 300lb.
The
ogre just picked him up and tossed him like nothing.
The
ogre's shoulders are described as something like this
(]-------------(o_o)-------------[)
(
) ( .
.) ( )
And
there's a little bit of arms and chest too.
Right?
Making his head seem tiny. So uh, he just throws Able through
the air. When Able comes to, doggo has transformed into his
beast form and is shaking him like a rat. And the fire aelf
girls are transformed into a two-headed serpent and striking at
his eyes. They really care!
Anyway,
Able calls them off, and ogre bends the knee. He wants to be
Able's follower too!
So
Able now has a pet ogre.
Later
Able gets into a fight with a torturer and humiliates him. When
the torturer goes back into the dungeons to cope and
seethe–where Able had put the ogre to live–ogrebro kills and
eats him.
At
least he doesn't have to live with the humiliation of getting
his ass kicked by a newbie knight, I guess.
10
Knightbro
met someone very interesting. So interesting I don't even want
to spoil it – so I won't *AT ALL*, REDAAAAACTED!!!
…
I'll
say that he met someone from 2 worlds up.
He
teaches Able a few things about how the worlds work, and
demonstrates the dominion people have over those of the worlds
below theirs in a very cool way.
It
recalls the way that in Book of the New Sun, the characters who
thought(and we did too) that they were the final boss, didn't
even know what game they were in.
Aaaaaaand
that's all I'll say. It was an awesome character to suddenly
meet. And we know him IRL.
Also
Able has a pet cat now. He got it from a witch. She was dead. It
was coolcreepy.
Someone's
taken one look at Able now and called him a Witch-Knight and is
like trying to get able to tell him "Come on man, are you a
witch, wizard, or warlock? I know you're something magic, TELL
MEEEEEEEE"
Aaaaaand
he and some frens get ambushed by half-giants, so Able kills a
few, and doggo goes #beastmode and freaking– just kills dozens
and dozens of them. Again, not just humans. Dozens and dozens
of huge men over 7 feet.
What
a good dog!
I
really love this dog lol. Have you ever seen a horse irl?
Imagine a wolf that size, strong enough to shake someone larger
than the largest man you've ever met around "like a rat"
in his teeth.
What
a good dog!
Anyway
Able is uhhh… he's gonna go with some lord to meet a king of
the giants. That'll be something. The giants really suck. Those
dozens and dozens of half-giants were all bastards from the rape
of human women. The giants have gotten away with it for too
long.
I
hope Able either utterly subjugates
them or genocides them 🙁 Do your best, Able!
#TGD
11
Sir
Able meets a girl whose father is going to give her up to a king
of giants to be his queen.
I
feel bad for her. So does Able. But he can't–at least
he says he's
not going to save her.
It's
just like Save
Me From My Destiny from
Genius a Rock Opera ;_; with the doll who was going to be used
for a child's dream, destroying her.
I'm
so sorry my friend But no we can't change your fate
Except
this is probably worse, isn't it? There's a nonzero chance that
she's going to be destroyed giving birth to a half-giant.
I
wonder if Able will do anything about it, or just cope since
it'll hopefully save more women in the future from raids.
The
worst he's felt in his life is her telling him about it, crying.
He'd already figured it out, but she confronts him, hoping that
he'll save her, and he makes her return to her father as he
continues scouting ahead.
What
a bummer.
She's
cute. She made up a story for him and herself; that they'd be
captured and trapped together for 10 years, Able would marry
her, and they'll have 33 kids, and–
It's
just so sad man.
Idk,
maybe he'll do something.
You
know strangely enough, I get the feeling that SEVERIAN would
just save her, solely because he'd want her. How about that?
Severian
would save her, literally just up and leave with her, escape to
the next town with her, cum inside her every night for a month,
and then leave once he makes sure she has people she can stay
with.
But
because Able cares about DUTY,
it may prevent him from saving her. Obviously he'd save her in
the *wild*, but how can he interfere with a lord's diplomatic
mission? One that would save countless people in the future?
But
we don't have to face those hypothetical people. We have to face
the girl crying NOW, tears and snot running down her miserable
face, trying to grab hold of your horse and not let go because
she wants you to save HER, and YOU want to save her.
Sucks,
man. Able do something! ANGRBORN GENOCIDE NOW! SAVE THE
PRINCESS, YOU'RE A KNIGHT ;_;
12
I
finished The Knight. Isn't that neat? Next up is The Wizard.
I'm
going to try a lot harder to not spoil anything important or
too-specific for when our Wizardbro
starts reading it.
But
I still have to tell you about stuff because it's so cool!
Lemme
see…
Well,
there was a fight wi–actually lemme say this instead
The
fire aelf girls are the best characters. They're so freaking
great.
Able
literally sends them out on side quests, and they just do them
because they want to be his slaves.
They're
so freaking reliable lmao it's AAAAAAAAA IT'S INSANE, THEY'RE SO
COOL
Really
just imagine having 2 tall, thin smug naked dark elfgirls
stealthily following you around most of the time, and they'll
just do whatever chores you tell them to. They'll go shopping
for you. They'll hunt stuff for you, they'll help you against
overwhelming odds by tripping up enemies and tricking them.
They
had to track someone down, and they did so, and he was being
held captive, so they WENT BACK TO THEIR HOME TO GET THEIR
TOOLS, and then WENT BACK and broke his chains. ISN'T THAT JUST
CUTE? I LOVE THEM. THAT'S SO CUTE. THEY WENT BACK HOME TO GET
SOMETHING THEY NEEDED TO DO THEIR JOB THEY'RE AMAZING 😭
They're
JUST GREAT. They're useful, they're charming, they're funny,
they crack jokes, they like to TEASE you. They do want to have
sex with you but they're also not going to give you grief for
not letting them because you love another woman.
You
really just should make them feel appreciated though.
Able's
a little mean to them, but he lets them know he values them.
He's TOUGH on them, not cruel.
Is
this a good topic? Let's see.
What
is the ideal wife? Is she a fire aelf?
As
I type this I can come up with exactly 0 negative traits for the
aelf girls. And they're not just chore-robots, they'd be *very
good company* if Able let them be. He doesn't because he's
faithful to his Dryadwaifu.
He's
such a good guy :')
I
guess their "teasing" could be interpreted as
"tormenting" to some people(I guess that because it's
explicitly stated), but all you have to do is realize it's
because they like you, and then it won't even bother you! LET
THEM BULLY YOU, THEY DESERVE IT
So
uhhh… yeah, I guess they are perfect and I have nothing to add
to this. What am I supposed to say? "The perfect wife… is
attractive and helpful." Mind-blowing.
I
will say that the story is not pro-human x aelf racemixing
though lol. It's– how do I even say this… think about how
Gimli loves Galadriel, right? But in his wildest dreams, he
couldn't have her. He wouldn't even want to if he could, because
it just wouldn't be appropriate, it's like
suggesting cats and dogs mate, EVEN IF it were possible, it'd be
just as absurd. It's kiiiiiiinda like that, but not as explicit,
because the aelfs are v– wait ffs if I'm going to use
Tolkien's work as an example why don't I use it more
appropriately? IT'S LIKE MEN AND ELVES in
LOTR, THAT'S closer than fucking Dwarves and Elves lmfao– you
understand? So even though Aragorn and Arwen were good together,
it's *rare* for a relationship between men and elves to be
*good*, and it seems to be the case here as well for maybe the
same reasons, and at least one more that I won't mention.
And
it might even not be good for Able and Dryadwaifu! There's hints
that it's NOT, but he's going for it anyway
Lemme
talk more about the fire aelfgirls. They're so cool.
They're
not like CHEAP, though, you know? They can't just do ANYTHING,
and they're not ALWAYS around to help, so it doesn't feel like
Able's ever really cheating at life lol. He can't and wouldn't
just order them "Go kill all of my enemies!" He's a
knight, that's not what knights do! They're very well written as
Able's followers, like the rest of
his followers. People are drawn to him. If Sir Able of the High
Heart beat you up, you'd have to have no soul to not want to
dedicate yourself to him!
13
FIRE
AELFGIRLS DESERVE LOVE
Some
humans on a diplomatic mission have entered the Frost Giant city
of Jotunland.
Sir
Able sent a teenage boy he's taken under his wing to the city to
rescue a few people while the diplomatic misssssion goes on.
Able
sent him to give him a chance to GIT GUD and GIT GLORY
One
of the fire aelfgirls is also serving lil bro now too, and
AND
SHE ALMOST FELL OFF A HIGH WALL, AND HE GRABBED HER NAKED RED
ASS AND SAVED HER
She's
very thankful and likes him a lot
And
unlike Able, who only has eyes for Dryadwaifu, lil bro's like
ZAMN 😍 she's 1200?
Hopefully
it'll go well for them, the fire aelfgirls have gone unbred long
enough
Uhhh,
the giants are scary. I don't think they're as big as I
originally thought, but they're still freaking big. Lemme think…
Sir
Able is probably shy of 7 feet. Maybe 6'5ish.
The
half-giants, called "Mice" are– hard to say, how
tall was Andre the Giant?... 7'4. Maybe the Mice around that or
8 feet, maaaybe 9.
And
the Frost Giants then are probably–like pshhhhh… well iirc
men reach about their knees, so idk let's just call them 15
feet.
But
the KING of the Frost Giants was said to make the ones around
him seem "like children" ;_;
We
learn how the human slave girls are treated, and it's basically
hentai. It's bad, but it could be so much fucking worse thatlmao
it could be SO MUCH WORSE when I think about it. Like if a real
sick fuck had written this, the women would probably be goosh
goosh'd and have their backs literally torn asunder. Here, a few
of them are like "it's not so bad". And they're
obviously coping, but they also do literally live better than a
lot of poor free women.
And
of course the men just have their eyes burned out, we don't
matter at all.
Anyway,
here's to diplomacy!
14
Regergegr
i have to CRANK out this writing, freakin Ethan Van Sciver just
started a stream, it's 3:30am
TAKE
YOUR MEDICINE!!! That's
what I have to say to FROST GIANTS who start getting a little
too big for their giant britches.
The
diplomatic mission may or may not have been a failure. It's
really a matter of perspective.
Something
I will partially-spoil is that the girl who was to be given to
the giant king has BEEN SAVED. How? I won't tell.
But
I WILL tell you that 2 giants fought 2 knights–an old man and
a rookie, and the knights basically fucking stomped. The giants
cheated by crowd interference and still didn't win.
The
vibrant and cultured giants jumped in when their boys were
getting beat. And we learn why the giants blind the male slaves.
They are afraid of men.
Because
WE are built different. THEY👏AINT👏LIKE👏US👏
They're
slow and retarded. We're fast. And galaxybrains.
Uhhhhh…
so the giants can basically kill you with one punch. And also
they have giant weapons, too. BUT our boys were just chop chop
choppin away at them, yellin "I'M TOO FAST FOR YA"
like Alexander Volkanovski. and they weren't even allowed to use
bows or ride mounts either. Bows are like lmao: Able mentions it
earlier, it's like comically easy to shoot the giants because
they're so big. He snipes one in the middle of the freaking
night just because he can see its big white teeth smiling. I
made the teeth part up, but he does get one at night. Ok? So, a
well-train–excuse me, a decent ROOKIE knight is almost a match
on his own for a giant, even without a bow or mount.
So
after this HUMILIATION RITUAL, which was supposed to be a
humiliation ritual against the humans, I am now convinced that
the humans, even without Sir Able, would DO WHATEVER THEY WANT
to the giants. Able's not even HERE yet. Able should pull out an
Uno Reverse card, and literally just *invade* Jotunland and
enslave all of the giants. Every male giant gets blinded. And
every last knight gets a–well, I actually don't know what the
Frost Giant women look like yet. Probably not good. You know
what? We'll take them anyway 🙂
Able's
met a half-giant girl who looks good, but thankfully she
basically *instantly* fell in love with Able's yuge brother
knight. Bro's bigger than Able, maybe juuuust under 7 feet, or
right there. It's very lucky because now Able won't have to feed
her. He can barely feed himself half the time.
Able
just collects followers like Pokemon.
Anyway.
I hate Frost Giants and I'm glad I don't have to read humans
kneeling to kiss giant boots and chanting "Frost Lives
Matter" for them anymore. I'm glad that girl got saved, too
and won't have to get a stomach_bulge tag on her name.
I
can't really express how miserable this "diplomacy"
was. It's so well-written, and it was driving me insaaaaaane,
the way these giant retards were abusing and humiliating the
humans, just CLOOOWNING them, when you're reading this, you get
MAD. It was like something much worse than tard-wrangling or
even [racist language redacted] it was like… a hostage
negotiation, but *you're* the hostage and you basically cannot
do *anything* but try to use charm. You just have *no* hand, no
negotiating power at all. Do you know what I mean? Really just
imagine trying to "negotiate" with a hundred giant
violent morons who want to kill you.
The
humans just had to EAT SHIT the entire time and
accept unrelenting disrespect
against themselves, their bodies, their dignity, their spirits,
their gods, their existence, all the while offering up heaps of
the most opulent and lavish gifts of jewelry and fabrics and
animals–and at least 1 noble woman.
Uhhhh…
the giants are very well written. They're clever enough,
exceeeeedingly prideful, uh literally genocidal racists. "Frost
Giants are the REAL racists!" Not like, "That mom
called a kid a slur when he stole from her toddler!" This
is *actual* stakes. Humans are riding the subway here. Frost
Giants commit 99% of interracial violent crime in Mythgarthr,
despite making up just 1% of the population. They're ugly,
violent, they have low impulse control, they don't have souls.
Btw
I really hope you're not
being racist right now. I'm literally just talking about Frost
Giants.
And
I know you think I'm being funny "oh ho hee hee ha ha he's
saying he's just talking about Frost Giant 😉" NO I AM,
you and I are ALREADY agonizingly aware of what real life is
like, we don't have to
talk about it ALL THE TIME. Lemme just talk at you about Frost
Giants OK? PLEASE? PLEASE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
15
I
was so smug, wasn't I? "Oh hoo hoo, those giants are FUCKED
lmao"
Maybe
not quite. When Able asks the half-giant girl (or, Mouse girl,
like Chiara from Mil-Sim Story) how many Frost Giants there are
in the world, she responded by pointing up at some geese in the
sky and asking how many geese are there in the world. So what if
a knight can defeat a giant? Are all humans knights, or are
knights *very rare* among humans?
Blackpilled
again!
No,
only a little bit. Human archers are still an awesome threat to
giants, and it's much easier to produce archers than full
knights. It's just that, apparently there's so many more giants
than anyone thought, and they remain something that can kill a
man with one blow.
Throw
armor on them, and now what do we do? (though I suspect armor
might be too hot for them) We need Able, we need the people of
Skai.
And
then, worst of all, the rug was pulled from under me: the girl
is still in danger of being given to the giants. Her father's
HELL BENT on it.
Guy
really wants to be the father of a queen. Because he had some
shit familial luck and is no-longer royalty.
His
daughter said something like "It's like he swallowed a rat
and it gnaws at his heart."
What
do you think? Imagine being so close to royalty, and *not* being
it. But also imagine having a daughter. Offering her to subhuman
monsters, so you can
have a bit more status? Is that something you'd do?
It
might do a lot of good for the world. But really, was it truly
necessary? It's not like the giant king asked for a human woman.
Sure, "gratefully accepted!" but he didn't ask. I
don't doubt that he'd prefer her above all of the other gifts
they brought, but. Still.
I
hate this. I was so happy for her, thinking she was out. She's
not out, not yet. There's still hope, more hope than ever, but
it's still not guaranteed.
Also
the fire aelfgirls are acting against each other now. Even
though they both serve Able, one of them has not renounced the
false-god she worships from the world below Aelfrice. I hope she
does!
I
wonder if Able will go to Jotunland. He's been collecting
knights who try to pass the bridge he's holding–which he's
only doing because he promised his Duke he would as punishment
for uh, his pet Ogre eating that torturer lmao.
The
king of the giants wants Able to work for him. 0% chance of that
happening, Able's more likely to kill him on the spot, but idk
what Able's even planning. He just wants Dryadwaifu, who is–
Oh,
Dryadwaifu's with a demon king, I'll tell you about that later.
16
I
forgot where I last left off. But uh… well any–oh oh no
The
freaking girl is being such a good, dutiful wife to the giant
king, it's DEPRESSING.
Like
I have to believe she's really just *doing her duty*, but you'd
have no idea because she's playing the part so well.
No,
he hasn't consummated the marriage yet though. Able's fren who
likes her has SWORN that he will kill the king before it
happens. Will he?
Able's
friendly witch follower like mind-fucked the guy and showed him
what it'd be like for the girl, and it left him a sobbing mess
on the floor. I think she uh, did it to stir him to action. He's
gonna save her!
Meanwhile,
Able's running around freeing people from Jotunland, it's cool,
he's kinda a Gandalf-tier character for the rest of them now.
Also
his hairline is receding lmfao he's been away for a while. But
Dryadwaifu spent some time with him again ;_; she likes his
receding hair!
But
something's definitely wrong, there's something keeping them
apart. Nvm I'm not gonna tell you about the demon king after
all, and that's probably not even it. Able will either kill him
or decide not to, no demon king is The Guy who'll stop Able.
Uhhhhhh…
ohlol the young guy who wants to save the girl from the giant
king actually saved ANOTHER girl too, a random street slaveloli
who was about to become random emergency food for Able's pet
ogre who's proteccing him. When bro asks her how old she is, she
says "old enough" 😭 and he's now stuck with her. He
carries her home to ask her mother if he can get her some food
and better clothes.
Her
giant master attacks them when they try leaving, and Ogrebro
wrestles him, and lil bro stabs the giant in the eye, killing
his first giant. May there be many more! So now the girl and her
family can be purchased so that's nice. And she INSISTS he's
going to marry her and is now sleeping in his bed back at the
castle. Also a fireaelf girl found a sword he lost and brought
it back to him after giving him SUCH a kiss when they were
hiding from some giants that the local talking cat is like
"Don't start, females are always loud even if you're not
🐈"
It's
a fun uh… I can't think of the freaking word rn, but you know
what I mean: while Able is completely obsessed with Dryadwaifu
and ONLY Dryadwaifu, this young guy's just girl-crazy and is
surrounded on all sides by girls he wants to save and/or be
with, it's very–what? Charming. The power of youth.
Hopefully
he kills the king before he– ;_; it's like 3 feet long SAVE
HER PLEASE DO SOMETHING
17
I
can't believe how much this book surprises me. Every freaking
chapter body-slams my understanding through a glass table, and
it's always great.
And
most of the chapters are like 10 pages or less, so it's just
constantly satisfying.
There's
really never a dull moment in this book.
How
do I minimally-spoil some more stuff…
Well,
the giant-wife girl's safe, and lil bro didn't have to kill the
giant king after all. How about that?
Also
she tried breaking up a riot, and a giant called her a "hot
slut", and I think Able shot his brain out with an arrow.
It's not explicit, but that's probably what happened. Something
about an arrow making so much noise it seemed like the city was
screaming. That's gotta hurt
>>=============>
What
else… Able went to the Room of Lost Love looking for
Dryadwaifu, but because he didn't really LOSE her, she wasn't
there. Nice try, Able.
The
mother of Lil bro's–I will start calling him Squirebro– the
mother of Squirebro's rescued slaveloli went in the room with
Able and she saw all the people from her parents' estate that
had been killed by the giants who attacked and took her.
It
was saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, man. Like she was probably… around
18 or younger when she was taken, because she's still beautiful
enough now for Able to say she'd have no trouble finding a
husband, and presumably she had slaveloli who's probably 12 or
13 now with another slave shortly after arriving in Jotunland.
So she was at home, living a happy noble life with her parents
and sisters, and their servants, and ALONG COME THE GIANTS to
KILL EVERYONE SHE LOVES and steal her away.
But
she'll be okay. The Room helped heal her heart, and Squirebro's
going to take them with him back to human society! It's all set
up for a happy ending, r-right?
Am
I expecting anything bad to happen… hmm… nah.
Also
the local talking cat snuck into the Room too. He doesn't want
to talk about it though. Which is a little weird because he
normally never shuts up.
What
kind of amazing pussy could he possibly have been missing? 😿
Also
Squirebro killed a few giants SOLO. Mostly. He had a horse. How
about that? I think the humans have used up all their luck
though, and it might be time for the party of under 50 fighting
humans to make a tactical retreat from the city with hundreds or
thousands of giants. Although around 100 might be coming with
the 3 knights Able collected; a jaguar knight, a gold knight who
is probably fucking the half-giant girl, and a black knight
Am
I remembering correctly that one of them actually helped
EXTERMINATE the cannibal pirates? I really don't remember, but
it was cool.
I
can't remember the cool thing that I read that made me want to
write a blog post -_- it's just that uh, cool stuff is happening
at all times.
This
freaking book is so good.
18
Some(2)
knights fought a dragon. They did good, but it's a dragon
actually.
One
of them died, and the other was saved by slaveloli riding on her
dad's shoulders and, because he's blind, helping him find where
he needs to go to crush the dragon's neck like an exploding tree
with a–well, something that was basically thousands of hands
closing on the dragon's neck. And when I say "basically"
I mean "literally", because it was thousands
of hands closing on the dragon's neck. No I will not elaborate
further. So yeah, she rode her dad into battle, screaming LOLI
TIME! LOLI TIME! And he crushed the dragon's neck.
It
was pretty cool. Uhh… Squirebro has ptsd though from all his
battles and doesn't want to fight anymore. But other than that
he's okay, and has seemed to accept that he WILL marry
slaveloli, so the two of them are going to live happily ever
after and Squirebro will take care of her parents.
The
knight who died, thankfully, was the one a… noblewoman…
didn't love, but loved her. So he gets to enjoy being dead
instead of having to cope with the other knight marrying her.
And really ENJOY being dead because a qt valkyrie took him away.
He
was a good knight. A vet who killed tons of giants!
Something
neato is that Able isn't a glory hog. He even basically forces
other people to do cool stuff against their will lmao BUT!
They're also just great on their own too, like even though he
lost to Able, the Jaguar Knight is a gigachad who was largely
responsible for saving the humans from the giants as they fled
the city. He lost his sword and was just fighting giants with
his shield.
The
dragon being dead is very convenient because it was basically
the Devil for the Aelfs. Not REALLY, but kinda. But it's like a
gigantic task off Able's To-Do list. And one of his fireaelf
girls will finally worshipping the Devil now, because he's DEAD.
So it's time to come to heel. Even though she's been a perfectly
good and loyal slave for Able, it's time to be EVEN MORE
PERFECTLY GOOD AND LOYAL, you just watched Able's apprentice's
girlfriend's dad kill your false god. Come home, aelfgirl.
Able
really doesn't have much more to do now but get his Dryadwaifu,
right? Everything's gonna be GREAT, for EVERYONE 🐱
19
Able's
home from Jotunland, he's now what I'll never be– a LANDCHAD.
Very
cool, he's got a full house! Imagine having a mansion with
servants, maids, and a group of men-at-arms to protecc you and
your farmers(you have farms too)
Squirebro's
going home with Slaveloli, who I'm going to stop calling
Slaveloli because she's neither anymore… Squiregirl? I'll call
her Squiregirl. Her mansion is very close to Able's!
Able's
probably not going to stay there though, so idk who he'll
lea–ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Here's
something I'll spoil for you, because it's not a spoiler. Just
an aelfgirl TEASING.
"I
have!"
Exclamation
marks are so underrated. I've come to appreciate them a lot.
Before
"I knew she was lying" I was actually upset because I
thought she was serious lol
Baki
is IMPORTANT!
AS
important as Dryadwaifu, who's finally ready to MARRY Able?! BUT
HE WON'T!
Because
she GROOMED him in more ways that one: he has a message he must
deliver to the king that she imprinted in him, and he can't be
satisfied until he does it! She no-longer wants him to, though!
WHAT COULD THE MESSAGE BE?!
20
Back
to stuff I care about.
Respect
aelfgirls!
The
book's almost over.
Fire
aelfgirls are still best girls. Dryadwaifu just can't compete.
They
stole a new sword for Able after he lost his old one. He didn't
even ask for it!
I
thought I'd spotted an ERROR in the book, where Wolfe got the
two aelfgirls mixed up. Naming one as the retriever of the
sword, when he meant the other. An easy mistake to make! They
both serve Able, they both want him to plap them, they're both
flirty, they like teasing him, they're always doing errands for
him, they're both basically perfect and the differences between
them aren't usually an issue. So of COURSE he mixed them up,
right?
What
really happened though was this:
Specifically
He
wrote my "problem" in a way that at the start, he
slipped in a minor detail I paid no attention to–because it
wasn't important at the time. Aelfgirl #1 said that she heard
about the sword from a friend and so she stole it because Able
needed a new sword!
Then
at the end when I believe I'd found a mistake: Aelfgirl #2 being
named as the girl who found Able's new sword;
When
I went back and looked, I discovered that the itty-bitty detail
that hadn't clicked with me the first time was the answer.
Aelfgirl #2 was "the friend" who FOUND the sword, and
then Aelfgirl #1 STOLE it: she hadn't wanted to tell Able that
it was the other girl, because he was mad at her at that moment,
so she just called her "my friend".
And
because Able says this, it means HE KNEW IT THE ENTIRE TIME or
at least figured it out later and didn't bring it up:
neither to the aelfgirls, NOR to US. It's so freaking GOOD, man.
IT'S SO GOOD. Because it's not really that big of a deal anyway,
as interesting as it is, Able's just focused on telling the
story as quickly as he can.
Gene
Wolfe just DOES THAT SOMETIMES, USING IMPLICATION TO
STORE EXTRA INFORMATION without
needing to write it out, and it's SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. And I know
what you're thinking, "Ask, you're just retarded." NO,
HE DOES STUFF LIKE THIS ON PURPOSE. That's why someone made the
meme, it's true!
Anyway,
there's a disgusting old Italian horror movie called "Cannibal
Holocaust" and it's what's about to happen in the book,
because the Osterlings have *ravaged* the countryside in revenge
after the chad golden knight had helped attacc their home.
Don't
worry, it's not a "preemptive strike, because the
Osterlings were 2 weeks away from a nuclear weapon", the
Osterlings are a real problem, arguably a bigger problem than
the giants, constantly raiding
the people of Able's nation. You tell me if you'd rather be
taken as a slave and blinded by giants or killed and eaten by
cannibals. There's something about being eaten that's so
obnoxious to me. I don't *think* they eat humans alive, so at
least that's something.
A
lot of the giants' slaves get giant-mandated wives to breed with
though. How about that? What is there to see, anyway? If you're
blind, your wife is as hot as you want her to be and there's no
way of disproving it.
21
I
finished reading The Wizard Knight the other day.
Last
night I had a nightmare that there was *more* to the story and
the PERFECT ENDING actually wasn't the ending and instead there
was a cliffhanger, and now Gene Wolfe is dead so he'll never
finish it.
But
no, it was just a nightmare. The Wizard Knight has one of the
most satisfying endings I've read in… idk. Years? I'm so happy
with it that it might–idk if I can say it's better than Book
of the New Sun, I'm being INFLUENCED by how happy the ending
was. Something about Book of the New Sun is that every time you
read it, it's almost like it's your first time just because it's
a constant barrage of awesome weird shit that you'll never be
able to remember.
The
Wizard Knight's just more wholesome, though. More heartwarming.
A lot of the time, Able's just as autistic as Severian, but he's
also… we see him caring a lot more about others. Severian did
care, but we didn't get to *see* it as much and it was mixed in
with a lot of selfish behavior. Or–idk, I feel like I'm being
unkind to Severian. He did heroic stuff ALL THE TIME, he LOVED
his friend Jonas, he LOVED Dorcas, he LOVED whatsherface Thecla,
he LOVED his brother torturers, he LOVED his doggo. He was a…
pretty normal guy, when he wasn't doing his job.
But
… Able's around friends much more often than Severian was. And
girls too. Constantly trying to get in his pants! Of course
that'll keep him cheerful, even if he's REJECTING them all,
because he's LOYAL. Sooooooooo that's all. The book's very
comfy.
I'm
not going to spoil anything in detail, but I will say that
Dryadwaifu finally manages to be bestgril.
|