Where
am I…
Where
am I…
for starters, today’s blog song is of course Dearly Beloved.
lemme see…
Zzzzzzzzz… hey. I hope you’re feeling well. I am not. Lemme see… it’s a LOVEY-DOVEY post today so for today’s HP Longbottom Character Spotlight, let’s look at Rei Jeong AKA Rei Ravenclaw.
Rei is a lazy smelly hoodie-wearing NEET girl, but she is also very cute and actually perfect.
Rei’s special for a lot of reasons. Iirc she’s the first original character in the story. If she’s not, then she’s the first *important* original character because I can’t remember anyone before her.
She first appears being killed by Crabbe and Goyle because she’s dressed as Hagrid for Halloween (Hagrid was a bad guy at that time) When they realize their mistake, they’re devastated, but she gets resurrected by a djinn.
One of her first feats is brutally killing the starspawn that had disguised itself as Harry Potter:
There was a horrible shriek, and Crabbe and Goyle barged back into the room to find Rei going psycho-trauma survival mode on Harry Starchild with a knife. He'd partially transformed but it had been interrupted by her carving half his face off.
Before she could start eating him, Snape pulled her off like she was a feral cat.
“Harry Starchild” that’s really funny. That cheered me up a bit. Because of her RAVENCLAW blood, she is EXTREMELY racist toward all Moon entities.
Anyway, eventually she hooks up with RON and they fall in love. Ron’s love for her strengthens him so much that he’s able to radiate a burning light from his body that disintegrates starspawn.
At one point, Hermione murders her. I don’t remember why. Maybe jealousy? Hermione was dating Ron first.
Rei comes back, though. I don’t remember how, at all. Let’s see…
Wait a freaking minute, I had Snape and Hermione boning? I don’t remember that AT ALL. Okay forget that for now... so let’s see… hahahahahaha okay I see…
Ron hated Hermione because she was just such a bitch. That hatred was blocking his CHAKRA PATHS, so Hermione had the BRILLIANT idea of “fake-killing” Rei, which would cause Ron to like, EXPLODE, and… clear his chakra paths…
Hermione thinks Rei can’t be killed because she thinks that Rei is an angel sent by God. Because the trauma of dating Hermione was just so great, that God basically sent Rei to stop Ron from killing himself.
But it turns out that while Rei *might* have been sent by God, she *wasn’t* an angel, so Hermione just flat-out murders her.
Harry squinted for some kind of halo over Rei's head, but saw nothing but the shine from her oily hair.
Nah, there's no way, he thought to himself. Hermione just wants to kill her so she can ruin Ron's life. I won't let her. But I guess I should tell her what happened.
Before Harry could call out, Hermione descended from the ceiling like Sephiroth and stabbed Rei through the back with a long Japanese nodachi.
That’s soooooooooooo funny I can’t stand it. Lemme give myself a pat on the back.
So how does she come back?… ...no reason in particular lol, she’s just allowed to.
Rei stood before him. Her beloved hoodie, normally pretty grimey, was now immaculate white. The halo he'd looked for days earlier was now resting just over her hair, which, though still messy, was messy in an indescribably beautiful way. A pair of wings rose up over her shoulders.
Harry was speechless. Which was good, because his tummy still hurt and he didn't want to talk that much anyway.
"Harry," Rei said.
"Hermione was right," Harry whispered.
"No Harry, Hermione's an idiot," answered Rei. "I wasn't an angel. But when she killed me, I became one."
gold.
At first, Rei wasn’t allowed to reveal herself to Ron when she came back, because he was having a crisis of faith. If he got to see her again, it’d be too easy. So Rei calls on Harry to try to get Ron to trust in the Lord. Chen skips the process entirely by just telling Ron.
Rei has tooooooons of more adventures, including killing Gilgamesh. But you should really just read HP Longbottom for yourself. It’s really just one of the greatest things any human has ever written, I’m not trying to be boastful, I think it’s objectively true.
SHE
WASN’T SABER’S GF, SHE WAS HIS WIFE.
In their original lives, she DIED by throwing herself into the sea so Saber could get past an angery sea god. Very sad. There’s a side story where you help Saber make a comb for her, fashioned after the one he once got her, that he found washed up on the shore after she died.
Then you get to see him hug her and call her “my beloved” and “my wife”, and it hits like a truck. It’s so sad. She comforts him and tells him she was happy to do it to help him, that she’d do it again, and and she tells him to do good ;_;
You just know this devastated Some People for the wrong reason. I can’t blame them(beyond the inherent wrongness), the entire game is just a constant tease between you and him.
Me? I love it. I love that he was(is) married, it really adds to his character. The entire game he’s such a goofball. And now, 40 hours in, you find out he’s a HUSBAND who tragically lost his wife. He’s so cool.
RESPECT HIS MARRIAGE, it’s time to stop treating him like your gf(male). I rly like that. Now if Iori(you) could just settle down with one of the dozen women who want him(you), then everything would just be perfect.
Oh, and Samson’s in the game, too.
I’m too tired to talk about it. But something pretty neat is that when they’re discussing Samson, they acknowledge God as stronger than all of the gods of Japan put together 😏
rly though, it was a kind of respect that you don’t typically see in *any* media. You know, my eternal example is the atrocious Netflix-Castlevania retconning vampires being scared of Crosses as them just being scared of right angles.
1 sec, I wanna double-check something…
I was playing EXTELLA earlier, and this woman’s Noble Phantasm is called “Gate of Skye”, and I think it’s from Norse mythology… okay, it kinda is.
Why am I mentioning this? BECAUSE JUST YESTERDAY, wasn’t I talking about Odin and The Wizard Knight? In the book his realm is called Skai. Def related, right?
Isn’t
she … cool?
Shut up, I’m serious. She’s actually really fun to play as. I’d been playing as Lancelot a lot, and he loooooks cool but he’s booooooooring to play as because he swings his sword sooooooooo slowly. Scáthach’s really fast. She’s FAST! So she’s waaaaay more fun to play as. There’s really no reason to play as someone who’s slow -_- it’s not like he’s noticeably stronger or something. It’s a Musou game, you kill two dozen people every time you swing your weapon. So why not SWING IT FASTER!
Also, the game like read my mind or something—I was thinking today “This might be a lot better if the camera were further back” andTHERE IS A CAMERA DISTANCE OPTION. So I put it way back, and it kinda did make it feel more fun.
Maybe I’m starting to enjoy the game more.
…
I’m kinda in the mood to play Samurai Warriors. You ever play it? Idr which one I got on Steam… 4 or 5? Lemme see… oh… it’s Samurai Warriors 4-II. Whatever that means.
I think I played it literally 1 time. It was really fun, but because I’m like, insane, I wasn’t allowing myself to enjoy it because it wasn’t the “main” series, it wasn’t *Dynasty* Warriors. Isn’t that completely batshit insane? That was years ago though. Now I’ve got like half a dozen other Warriors games. The Zelda ones, the Fire Emblem ones, the Fate ones, it’ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss just. Fun. It’s fun. Jim Sterling was right. Even if he’s pretending to be a woman now, he’s still right that Warriors games are fun.
Unrelated, pls enjoy this Steven Wilson music video for “Personal Shopper”. Isn’t it rly good? I like that it lists birth control pills, too. So it’s not really unrelated.
Ringring
yes hello it’s STILL MARCH EVEN
TO THIS DAY!!
Ihate this. I don’t want to work, I want my wife. I was a split second away from losing today, but I survived.
NO new updates, in a mood. I’ll get around to it
THAT’S IT.
ill ttyl. Pls take care, have a comforting day. God blesfrien