Table of Contents

Characters

Neville Longbottom AKA HP Longbottom: starving cosmic horror author; weak, spineless; capable of transforming into a stupid Lovecraftian tentacle monster. Worships the Moon Presence. Male Feminist. Dated Hermione Granger. Allowed himself to be killed to chase Parvati in the afterlife. Escaped from prison

Harry Potter, The Man Who Lives: unstumpable, unflappable, no-nonsense, but lazy and sometimes slow to act. Unknown upper limit on power. Has son with Cho Chang. Occasionally boned Hermione in the past. Dated Ginny recently but doesn't even remember her at all. "Plans" on marrying Cho, but hates planning for things so is just doing whatever she says. Has come to love and respect Ron and Rei. As George Costanza would say, they’re “Like the Gatsbys”. Not a self-insert.

Ronald Weasley: Ginger goofball. Formerly useless, but unlocked incredible power with the help of Rei Jeong. Ron is a Child of the Sun, whatever that means. His recent transformation has caused him to become more serious. Formerly dated Hermione. His chakra paths are blocked

Rei Jeong: OC donut steal. Descendant of Rowena Ravenclaw. Korean. Believed by Hermione to be an angel sent to prevent Ron from killing himself from the trauma of dating Hermione. (She was not, but became one after being killed by Hermione) Lazy NEET gamer girl with messy hair in an oversized hoodie. As close to perfect as ?humanly? possible. For some reason, Lupin believes that Rei’s father used to bully him. Kidnapped by a Hermione

Cho Chang: Harry's hot fiancee. A succulent Chinese meal. Smartest witch in school, makes Hermione look like an idiot. Often wears skintight curseproof battle armor designed by Professor Flitwick, showing off the best body in Hogwarts. Armor was specifically designed by Flitwick to show her navel imprint. Jumped Draco’s bones once prior to being exclusive with Harry. Worried she can’t control her son.

Chen Potter: Legendary Hapamage(or Happamage) born from Harry and Cho. “When a White and an Asian both of significant magical prowess mate, there's a chance they can create a Happamage," explained Crabbe. Quickly grew into a toddler and has genius-level intelligence. Dedicated to restoring Hogwarts to its former glory.

Hermione Granger: Annoying. Attractive enough to get away with too much. Due to overuse of the Time Turner, an Infinite amount of Hermiones now exist, some helpful, some evil. All annoying. Hermione is a crafty craftsman who uses her Time Turner and a variety of potions and assassination tools to further her own goals.

THE MOON PRESENCE: Questionably-feminine eldritch being living on the Moon. Revels in chaos. Has the power to control women and soyboys around the world.

Lord Voldemort: a hero. May or may not be Snape's father. The most talented and cool wizard who ever lived. Is a race realist; doesn’t hate Muggles and Mudbloods and knows that all men deserve dignity and we’re all equal in the eyes of God, but acknowledges uncomfortable truths about them.

Severus Snape: Potions Master. Harry Potter's true father; cucked James Potter very badly, but only to save Harry and Lily from his enemies’ attention. Senior Eldritch Hunter in the Slytherins responsible for killing countless Rank-A monsters. Has many forms: Old Snape, Naked Snape(Metal Gear Solid ref, not actually naked), Sensei Snape, etc. Personally trained Malfoy in the ways of Eldritch Hunting. MP: 8

Draco Malfoy: High-ranking Slytherin Eldritch Hunter. Capable of transforming into a basilisk. Had a guy crush on Harry which allowed the Moon Presence to infect him, causing him to chase after a Ravenclaw engineer named Jack. Eventually cured by his ex-gf Pansy Parkinson.

Jack: A Ravenclaw engineer responsible for maintaining the Slythdam mobile suits. Built the Giant Slythdam for Hagrid. A TRAP cute enough for Draco to lust after in his Moon-infected state

Rubeus Hagrid: One of Lord Voldemort's best and most loyal friends. (Was copied by the Moon Presence to create Naked Hagrid, a being made of Aragog’s children). Sees Jack as a son or kid brother, and wants to protect him from Malfoy. Now that Harry and the old gang have grown up, he sees them as his equals or superiors.

Aragog: a giant spider with billions and billions of children. Tricked Hagrid into believing he was a female spider. Works for the Moon Presence.

Remus Lupin: aka Professor Werewolf. Enslaved by the Moon Presence due to his Lycanthropy, despite Werewolves having the ability to damage Moon creatures. The body is willing but the spirit is weak.

Serious Black: Harry’s godfather. Became a werewolf to battle Lupin. Because he’s a raging misogynist, the Moon was unable to control him.

Dumbledore: MISSING IN ACTION. Was copied by the Moon Presence to create Naked Dumbledore.

Slytherin House: The Good Guys. Secretly responsible for protecting the planet from Lovecraftian nightmares. The Slytherin Stormtroopers(SS) serves as the berserker shock troops of the House, keeping the school safe from many lower-level Eldritch monstrosities.

Ravenclaw House: Nerds who've aided the Slytherins for hundreds of years through the creation of new magics and technologies. Due to their affinity for Logic and Reason, they tend to be resistant to the Moon Presence. Rowena Ravenclaw was the first woman to ever completely-nullify the Moon Presence’s influence, and was called a “Pick-Me Girl” and canceled for it by ancient Moon Worshipers.

Crabbe and Goyle: Best Friends Forever. Through hard work they’ve become some of the most powerful wizards in the world. Together they are able to perform a fusion and become Crag, a super wizard with no known rival in strength. After having his arm severed by Gingi, Goyle was given a cybernetic arm, briefly dying during the process. MP separate: 8 / Crag MP: 10++

Pangingi/Pangelingi/etc.: An amalgam of unfortunate girls fused together by the Moon Presence. Extremely dangerous but can be temporarily incapacitated, like a Resident Evil boss that keeps coming.

Parvati Patil: One of the first girls to be absorbed into Pangingi. Currently trying to escape Purgatory after being killed by Draco Malfoy. (almost out?)

Ginny Weasley: One of the first girls to be absorbed into Pangingi. Under control of the Moon Presence and wants revenge on Harry for forgetting she exists. After being assassinated by Serious Black, has now been reborn as GINGI. Wants to reabsorb Parvati so she won’t be White anymore.

Pansy Parkinson: Draco’s childhood friend and eventual girlfriend. Helped heal him of the homosexuality caused by the Mugglepox Moon Variant. Last seen falling out a window after being pushed by Harry. Missing.

Mizuki: Mysterious foreign exchange student from Japan. Immediately causes Malfoy to forget about Pansy Parkinson. MP: ???

Khaliun: Mysterious foreign exchange student from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. Immediately became infatuated with Crabbe after seeing his Eren Yaeger 10-pack. Will she drive a wedge between Crabbe and Goyle?

Isabel: “God is my oath”. New Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. Rescued from the 8^th circle of Hell by Goyle and Gilderoy Lockhart. Like Khaliun, seems to be pulling Crabbe and Goyle apart.

Gilderoy Lockhart: Former Hogwarts professor and celebrity author. After being exposed as a fraud, he abandoned his Pride and surrendered his life to Christ, beginning his training anew in the Church’s secret Witchhunter school. He became a competent monster hunter, often employed by Slytherin House.

Settings

Mostly takes place in and around Hogwarts University, built on top of the original Hogwarts, after the original Harry Potter series.

Hogvotos & the Hogvotos students: Another planet resembling the city of Seoul, South Korea. Populated by a Good Hermione with self-replicating clones of Rei Jeong (now numbering in the thousands). Taught by Snape, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle to use magic. Now ready to prevent the Moon Presence from escaping across the Universe. A last line of defense. Most students’ MP: 8

The Lake Base: Also known as the Salazarium. Dome-shaped stronghold in the depths of the Great Lake. Built by the Slytherins and upgraded over time by the Ravenclaws. Can accommodate over a hundred people.

Plot Points

Neville becomes a cosmic horror writer to escape from being bullied by Malfoy and to win the House Cup.

The Moon Presence launches a secret assault on Hogwarts, successfully absorbing many witches into a being known as “Pangelingi” & releasing many Naked Pawns into the world; Naked Hagrid, Naked Filch, Naked Dumbledore, Naked Peter Pettigrew. (They’re all literally naked. Naked Hagrid is unique in that he was built of Aragog’s children. The others were made of Moongunk. The Naked Moonpawns are not to be confused with Naked Snape, who was just shirtless)

Harry is initiated into the world of Cosmic Horror by the Slytherins, who take him to their secret Lake Base to meet Voldemort, who turns out to be a good guy.

Neville goes to the Moon and communes with the Moon Presence, getting a heaping hot load of Moonpower injected into him

Hogvotos is discovered after the Moon Presence is chased into a time hole—the need for a larger army is made apparent.

Cho gives birth to Chen Potter and Harry is confronted by the reality of fatherhood

Thankfully, Harry doesn’t actually have to live with the “reality of fatherhood”, as Chen rapidly ages and becomes mostly independent, leading the effort to get Hogwarts back to a functioning state while simultaneously hunting the Moon Presence

A Japanese girl named Mizuki appears at the school one day, with a foggy memory of her origins. Not long after, a girl from Mongolia appears and Goyle reveals that Chen signed the school up for a series of foreign exchange programs.

Chen Potter meets with President Donald Trump and enters into a military alliance the United States of America, aiming to conquer the Moon rather than destroying it as originally planned.

Themes

Flawed but Good people vs Evil taking the form of chaos, ugliness, misanthropy, anti-natalism, and nihilism

Moon-worship is anti-God, anti-human, anti-logic, and anti-beauty, it is extreme self-love, Pride, unlimited self-affirmation, it is the traditional witch’s “Black Mass”, ugly hook-nosed crones sloppily dancing

Being hit on the back of the head with a brick represents the supposed “randomness” which the Moon Presence desires to implant in the minds of all humanity