Characters
MP= magic power 1 weak-10 strong
Neville
Longbottom AKA HP Longbottom
starving cosmic horror author;
weak, spineless; capable of transforming into a stupid Lovecraftian
tentacle monster. Worships the Moon Presence. Male Feminist. Dated
Hermione Granger. Allowed himself to be killed to chase Parvati in
the afterlife. Escaped from prison
MP:
5 / Powered by Moon Presence = MP 10+
height:
5’9 / weight: 160lb
theme
song: Still Alive from Portal
Harry
Potter, The Man Who Lives
unstumpable,
unflappable, no-nonsense, but lazy and sometimes slow to act. Unknown
upper limit on power. Has son with Cho Chang. Occasionally boned
Hermione in the past. Dated Ginny recently but doesn't even remember
her at all. "Plans" on marrying Cho, but hates planning for
things so is just doing whatever she says. Has come to love and
respect Ron and Rei. As George Costanza would say, they’re “Like
the Gatsbys”. Not a self-insert.
MP:
8
height:
6’5 /
weight: 180lb
theme
song: Someday We’ll All Be Free, Ye
Ronald
Weasley
Ginger goofball. Formerly useless, but unlocked
incredible power with the help of Rei Jeong. Ron is a Child of the
Sun, whatever that means. His recent transformation has caused him to
become more serious. Formerly dated Hermione.
His
chakra paths are blocked
MP:
6 / Powered by Rei = MP 9+
height:
5’8 / weight: 145lb
theme
song: Nightcall, Kavinsky
Rei
Jeong
OC donut steal. Descendant of Rowena Ravenclaw. Korean.
Believed by Hermione to be an angel sent to prevent Ron from killing
himself from the trauma of dating Hermione. (She was not, but became
one after being killed by Hermione) Lazy NEET gamer girl with messy
hair in an oversized hoodie. As close to perfect as ?humanly?
possible.
For some reason, Lupin believes that
Rei’s father used to bully him. Kidnapped by a Hermione
MP:
9
height:
4’11 / weight: 99lb
song:s:
Comatose, Skillet ; Lazy Eye, Silversun Pickups
Cho
Chang
Harry's hot fiancee. A succulent Chinese meal. Smartest
witch in school, makes Hermione look like an idiot. Often wears
skintight curseproof battle armor designed by Professor Flitwick,
showing off the best body in Hogwarts. Armor was specifically
designed by Flitwick to show her navel imprint. Jumped Draco’s
bones once prior to being exclusive with Harry. Worried she can’t
control her son.
MP:
7
height:
5’5 / weight: 110lb
theme
song: Face My Fears, Utada (Skillet-free version)
Chen
Potter
Legendary Hapamage(or Happamage) born from Harry and Cho. “
When
a White and an Asian both of significant magical prowess mate,
there's a chance they can create a Happamage," explained Crabbe.
Quickly
grew into a toddler and has genius-level intelligence. Dedicated to
restoring Hogwarts to its former glory.
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MP:
10+, ">"letter-spacing: normal">-style: normal">untested
height:
2’7 / weight: 28lb
theme
song: Everybody Wants to Rule the World, Tears for Fears
Hermione
Granger
: Annoying. Attractive enough to get away with too much.
Due to overuse of the Time Turner, an Infinite amount of Hermiones
now exist, some helpful, some evil. All annoying. Hermione is a
crafty craftsman who uses her Time Turner and a variety of potions
and assassination tools to further her own goals.
MP:
7
height:
too tall / weight: too much
theme
song: Doctor Who theme or something
THE
MOON PRESENCE
: Questionably-feminine eldritch being living on the
Moon. Revels in chaos. Has the power to control women and soyboys
around the world.
Eldritch
Power= MP 10++?
height:
2159mi? / weight: 1.6x19^23lb?
theme
song: Hey Moon, John Maus?
Lord
Voldemort
: a hero. May or may not be Snape's father. The most
talented and cool wizard who ever lived. Is a race realist; doesn’t
hate Muggles and Mudbloods and knows that all men deserve dignity and
we’re all equal in the eyes of God, but acknowledges uncomfortable
truths about them.
MP:
10
height:
6’7 / weight: 210lb
song: Viva La Vida
Severus
Snape
Potions Master. Harry Potter's true father; cucked James
Potter very badly, but only to save Harry and Lily from his enemies’
attention. Senior Eldritch Hunter in the Slytherins responsible for
killing countless Rank-A monsters. Has many forms: Old Snape, Naked
Snape(Metal Gear Solid ref, not actually naked), Sensei Snape, etc.
Personally trained Malfoy in the ways of Eldritch Hunting.
MP:
8
height:
5’11 / weight: 170lb
song: Daddy Issues, Toehider
Draco
Malfoy
: High-ranking Slytherin Eldritch Hunter. Capable of
transforming into a basilisk. Had a guy crush on Harry which allowed
the Moon Presence to infect him, causing him to chase after a
Ravenclaw engineer named Jack. Eventually cured by his ex-gf Pansy
Parkinson.
MP:
7 / highly-skilled in hunting Eldritch beings, possibly surpassing
Snape
height:
5’10 / weight: 140lb
song: Mad World, Gary Jules
Jack
:
A Ravenclaw engineer responsible for maintaining the Slythdam mobile
suits. Built the Giant Slythdam for Hagrid. A TRAP cute enough for
Draco to lust after in his Moon-infected state
MP:
5
height:
5’9 / weight: 128lb
song: Kids Return, Joe Hisaishi (movie version)
Rubeus
Hagrid
: One of Lord Voldemort's best and most loyal friends. (Was
copied by the Moon Presence to create Naked Hagrid, a being made of
Aragog’s children). Sees Jack as a son or kid brother, and wants to
protect him from Malfoy. Now that Harry and the old gang have grown
up, he sees them as his equals or superiors.
MP:
2-3 / relies of physical strength
height:
8’6 / weight: 800lb
song: Gatsu
Aragog
:
a giant spider with billions and billions of children. Tricked Hagrid
into believing he was a female spider. Works for the Moon Presence.
height:
10’11 / weight: 500lb
song: Bird Sings Why the Caged I Know, Atmosphere
Remus
Lupin
: aka Professor Werewolf. Enslaved by the Moon Presence due
to his Lycanthropy, despite Werewolves having the ability to damage
Moon creatures. The body is willing but the spirit is weak.
MP:
6 / greater threat as a wolf
height:
5’10 / weight: 167lb
song: Take On Me, a-ha
Serious
Black
: Harry’s godfather. Became a werewolf to battle Lupin.
Because he’s a raging misogynist, the Moon was unable to control
him.
MP:
7
height:
5’11 / weight: 170lb
song: Can’t Get It Out of My Head, Electric Light Orchestra
Dumbledore
:
MISSING IN ACTION. Was copied by the
Moon Presence to create Naked Dumbledore.
Last
Known
MP: 10+ / Naked Dumbledore: 7-8
height:
6’0 / weight: 155lb
song: Where The Hood At?, DMX
Slytherin
House
: The Good Guys. Secretly responsible for protecting the
planet from Lovecraftian nightmares. The Slytherin Stormtroopers(SS)
serves as the berserker shock troops of the House, keeping the school
safe from many lower-level Eldritch monstrosities.
Ravenclaw
House
: Nerds who've aided the Slytherins for hundreds of years
through the creation of new magics and technologies. Due to their
affinity for Logic and Reason, they tend to be resistant to the Moon
Presence. Rowena Ravenclaw was the first woman to ever
completely-nullify the Moon Presence’s influence, and was called a
“Pick-Me Girl” and canceled for it by ancient Moon Worshipers.
Crabbe
and Goyle
: Best Friends Forever. Through hard work they’ve
become some of the most powerful wizards in the world. Together they
are able to perform a fusion and become Crag, a super wizard with no
known rival in strength. After having his arm severed by Gingi, Goyle
was given a cybernetic arm, briefly dying during the process. MP
separate: 8 / Crag
MP: 10++
height:
12’6 / weight: 340lb
song: Bang Bang, Payday Monsanto
Pangingi/Pangelingi/etc.
-weight: normal">:
An amalgam of unfortunate girls fused together by the Moon Presence.
Extremely dangerous but can be temporarily incapacitated, like a
Resident Evil boss that keeps coming.
-weight: normal">Power
varies from 1-10+ based on amount of girls consoomed
Parvati
Patil
: One of the first girls to be absorbed into Pangingi.
Currently trying to escape Purgatory after
being killed by Draco Malfoy. (almost out?)
MP:
6
height:
5’4 / weight: 120lb
song: Should Have Known Better, Sufjan Stevens
Ginny
Weasley
: One of the first girls to be absorbed into Pangingi.
Under control of the Moon Presence and wants
revenge on Harry for forgetting she exists. After being assassinated
by Serious Black, has now been reborn as GINGI. Wants to reabsorb
Parvati so she won’t be White anymore.
MP:
5 (as human)
height:
5’8 / weight: 127lb
song: Fragments, an Unkindness
Pansy
Parkinson
: Draco’s childhood friend and eventual girlfriend.
Helped heal him of the homosexuality caused by the Mugglepox Moon
Variant. Last seen falling out a window after being pushed by Harry.
Missing.
MP:
5
height:
5’7 / weight: 126lb
song: How to Save a Life, The Fray
Mizuki
:
Mysterious foreign exchange student from Japan. Immediately causes
Malfoy to forget about Pansy Parkinson.
MP:
???
height:
5’6 / weight: 114lb
song:s:
Ghost Town Polaroid, For Tracy Hyde ; Omega Rhythm, Uplift Spice
Khaliun
:
Mysterious foreign exchange student from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia.
Immediately became infatuated with Crabbe after seeing his Eren
Yaeger 10-pack. Will she drive a wedge between
Crabbe and Goyle?
MP:
???
height:
5’4 / weight: 122lb
song: Standing Outside the Fire, Garth Brooks
Isabel:
“God is my oath”. New
Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. Rescued from the 8-weight: normal">th
-weight: normal">circle of Hell by Goyle and
Gilderoy Lockhart. Like Khaliun, seems to be pulling Crabbe and Goyle
apart.
MP:
???
height:
5’2 / weight: 110lb
songs:
Libera Me From Hell, Gurren Lagann ; Beloved Tomboyish Girl, Touhou
Gilderoy
Lockhart
: Former Hogwarts professor and celebrity author. After
being exposed as a fraud, he abandoned his Pride and surrendered his
life to Christ, beginning his training anew in the Church’s secret
Witchhunter school. He became a competent monster hunter, often
employed by Slytherin House.
MP:
7, relies on a variety of holy armaments.
height:
6’1 / weight: 199lb
song: The Pretender, Jackson Browne
Settings
Mostly
takes place in and around Hogwarts University, built on top of the
original Hogwarts, after the original Harry Potter series.
Hogvotos & the Hogvotos students
Another planet resembling the city
of Seoul, South Korea. Populated by a Good Hermione with
self-replicating clones of Rei Jeong (now numbering in the
thousands). Taught by Snape, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle to use magic.
Now ready to prevent the Moon Presence from escaping across the
Universe. A last line of defense. Most
students’
MP: 8
The
Lake Base
Also known as the Salazarium. Dome-shaped stronghold in the depths of
the Great Lake. Built by the Slytherins and upgraded over time by the
Ravenclaws. Can accommodate over a hundred people.
Plot Points
Neville
becomes a cosmic horror writer to escape from being bullied by Malfoy
and to win the House Cup.
In
doing so he becomes possessed by the Moon Presence.
The
Moon Presence launches a secret assault on Hogwarts, successfully
absorbing many witches into a being known as “Pangelingi” &
releasing many Naked Pawns into the world; Naked Hagrid, Naked Filch,
Naked Dumbledore, Naked Peter Pettigrew. (They’re all literally
naked. Naked Hagrid is unique in that he was built of Aragog’s
children. The others were made of Moongunk. The Naked Moonpawns are
not to be confused with Naked Snape, who was just shirtless)
-weight: normal">Harry
is initiated into the world of Cosmic Horror -weight: normal">by
the Slytherins, who take him to their secret Lake Base to meet
Voldemort, who turns out to be a good guy.
Ron
transforms into a Moonman, but later has his humanity restored by
Rei.
Neville
goes to the Moon and communes with the Moon Presence, getting a
heaping hot load of Moonpower injected into him
Neville
returns to Hogwarts and the Battle of the Lake is fought
Hogvotos
is discovered after the Moon Presence is chased into a time hole—the
need for a larger army is made apparent.
Cho
gives birth to Chen Potter and Harry is confronted by the reality of
fatherhood
Thankfully,
Harry doesn’t actually have to live with the “reality of
fatherhood”, as Chen rapidly ages and becomes mostly independent,
leading the effort to get Hogwarts back to a functioning state while
simultaneously hunting the Moon Presence
A
Japanese girl named Mizuki appears at the school one day, with a
foggy memory of her origins. Not long after, a girl from Mongolia
appears and Goyle reveals that Chen signed the school up for a series
of foreign exchange programs.
But
what students are Hogwarts ridding themselves of?
Chen
Potter meets with President Donald Trump and enters into a military
alliance the United States of America, aiming to conquer the Moon
rather than destroying it as originally planned.
Themes
Flawed
but Good people vs Evil taking the form of chaos, ugliness,
misanthropy, anti-natalism, and nihilism
The
Power of Friendship
Healthy
love and mutual respect between men and women
Mooning
takes many forms, probably including gooning.
Moon-worship
is anti-God, anti-human, anti-logic, and anti-beauty, it is extreme
self-love, Pride, unlimited self-affirmation, it is the traditional
witch’s “Black Mass”, ugly hook-nosed crones sloppily dancing
around
a fire to spite of the Church, howling at the sky that they are
'free.'
Being
hit on the back of the head with a brick represents the supposed
“randomness” which the Moon Presence desires to implant in the
minds of all humanity
